Off Topic General chat

As it's Valentines Day I'm going to spend my day chatting about birds I used to **** on a football forum

 

I wouldn't shag the patients lol. She was doing nightshifts in some old woman's house, and I used to wait until she got put to bed and then go round, I used to take cans and ring a pizza in, bend her over and leave before 5 in the morning. One night I was humping her and the old woman had got up and came shuffling in the sittenroom wearing only her nappy. She was mentally retarded so couldn't say nothing. I was only about 19 at the time, but when I think back now it feels canny shocking and she would have been struck off if we had ever been caught.

 

No shame

 

Oh, I've got shame now mate. She was somebody's sister, mother, aunty, nana. I would deck somebody for doing that in my family's home

 

Indian is one I can't remember porking, I think the best shag I've had was with a Yank, she was incredible. Julie, she was called. I'm off to find her on Facebook.

 

Lets hope it was as memorable for her!

 

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The missus is looking forward to it

 

A.C.A.B.

 

good old Hebburn, know few girls from there obviously as its where im from, wonder if i know either of them??
glad you said jazz and not all that jizz
Thought about paying for it before as i would imagine its every (normal) blokes fantasy, well one of mine anyway even at 53.

 

Harison Ford: "Was that airline supposed to be underneath me?"
Air Traffic Control: "Yes Harrison it was. You weren't supposed to be above it you dodgy geriatric ****."

 

Just heard about that on the radio, he went to the wrong runway apparently?
Not the first time he has made a cock up either. Dopey auld cnut should have his licence taken away.

 

He landed on a taxiing lane, the roads that the planes use to get to the run ways

 

Best pilot in the universe ya nar.

 

He crash landed on a golf course last year. Must have been worried about missing his tee-time.

All these air incidents. I wonder if his missis is piling up his life insurance. She's a lot younger than him.

 

Little 7 foot wide end of terrace 'house' in London costs 900K, this is what you'd get for the same money near me. I don't get it, London isn't even nice.

 

Where'd do ya live? Inverness?

 

yep, that's about right.
you end up paying for the postcode in London.

 

Talking about Jamie Oliver is he slowly turning into Chris Packam gormless twat.

 

Which you may have a chance at.