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Thread: Topical Football Jokes

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    Default Topical Football Jokes

    In a blatant attempt to create a thread with the longevity of the awesome Word Association Thread, contributions here please for topical football jokes.

    A couple that I heard recently to kick off...

    Manchester United's Darren Fletcher has been advised by his doctors to take a clean break from football for 6 months. Sir Alex Ferguson has promptly loaned him out to Stoke City.

    The FA has issued a new directive. In future, any Liverpool players that pass the ball to Andy Carroll will be booked for time-wasting. [Note: you could substitute for 'Chelsea' and 'Fernando Torres' if desired]


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    Having heared that Liverpools Suarez has received an eight match ban, for alleged racist behaviour, the entire Aston Villa team have, in unison, branded Heskey a racist too.

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    What have David de Gea and Darren Fletcher got in common?

    Both are struggling to keep clean sheets

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    Gary Cahill's proposed move to Chelsea has broken down after his wife failed to agree personal terms with John Terry.

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    Henrique arrived at the training ground after his shock move from South America to W12. In his first training session, he was surprised to see Mark Hughes get everyone to stand near the penalty area. He put a ball on the spot, and then, pointing to each in turn, he started chanting "Ball..... Goal..... Ball.... Goal....". This went on for five minutes, when Henrique raised his hand and said "Excuse me, Mr Hughes, but this is not necessary. I speak perfect English." Hughes replied "I know son. I wasn't talking to you..."

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    This thread is supposed to be for jokes?

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    LFC and Ku Klux Ken is trying to sign a new right winger to replace Stu Downing. Nick Griffin is his main target

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    Ku Klux Ken? Is he Klaus Barbie's friend?

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    Quote Originally Posted by west london willy View Post
    ku klux ken? Is he klaus barbie's friend?

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    ku klux ken and klaus barbie-love it!
    the lengths these evil people will go to disguise themselves..

    apologies in advance if i nick stuff from you load of donuts :-


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    Quote Originally Posted by West London Willy View Post
    Ku Klux Ken? Is he Klaus Barbie's friend?
    That's brilliant! Think i just done my undies laughing so hard

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    Thieves broke into the Trophy room at Millwall's New Den, police are looking for two geezers who got away with a blue and white carpet!...

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    Snow White arrived home one evening to find her home destroyed by fire. She was especially worried because she'd left all seven dwarves asleep inside. As she scrambled among the wreckage, frantically calling their names, suddenly she heard the cry: "Chelsea for the Cup."

    "Thank goodness," sobbed Snow White. "At least Dopey's still alive!"

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    Paddy Kenny threw a party after QPR won the league championship. As a special honour, he asked Neil Warnock to say grace before they sat down to dinner.

    Finishing up the short prayer, Neil said, "... and we thank you, Lord, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the goalie host."

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    Quote Originally Posted by West London Willy View Post
    Paddy Kenny threw a party after QPR won the league championship. As a special honour, he asked Neil Warnock to say grace before they sat down to dinner.

    Finishing up the short prayer, Neil said, "... and we thank you, Lord, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the goalie host."
    Don't give up the day job Willy...

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    Liverpool FC have released details of their new kit for the 2012-2013 season.......White Socks, White Shorts,White Shirt..............White Hoods!!!!!

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    Following Man U's tragic exit from the Champions League there will be a minutes laughing at all Premiership Grounds this week end.
    Bit out of date I know but I still find it funny.

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    Chelsea FC

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    There are 3 teams with swearwords in their names:

    ARSEnal, SC*Nthorpe, and F*CKing Chelsea...

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    Billy: Mum, I've got the biggest **** at nursery school. Is that 'cos I'm a big boy?

    Mum: No, it's 'cos you're 28 and retarded. Now be careful before you slobber your spaghetti sauce down your new Chelsea shirt.


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