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Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different

Discussion in 'Hull City' started by Dr.Stanley O'Google, HCFC, Nov 20, 2015.

  1. Anal Frank Fingers

    Anal Frank Fingers Well-Known Member

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    Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes." Jim Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.

    The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bubba says. "What's that?"

    The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weedeater?"

    "Yeah."

    "Then logically speaking, because you own a weedeater, I think that you would have a yard."

    "That's true, I do have a yard."

    "I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house."

    "Yes, I do have a house."

    "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."

    "I have a family."

    "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife."

    "Yes, I do have a wife."

    "And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."

    "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weedeater!"

    Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Jim Bob at the bar. He tells Jim Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim Bob says, "What's that?"

    Bubba says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weedeater?"

    "No."

    "Then you're ****ing gay."
     
    #2781
  2. The greengrocer

    The greengrocer Well-Known Member

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    It's maths! Not math!
     
    #2782
  3. Barchullona

    Barchullona Well-Known Member

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    With all these posts mentioning offense, defense and license passing without comment it is bit much getting worked up about another Americanism.
     
    #2783
  4. The greengrocer

    The greengrocer Well-Known Member

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    True! But in no walk of life should an English person ever say MATH! Fact!
     
    #2784
  5. Plum

    Plum Well-Known Member

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    Quite agree, it should always be sums.
     
    #2785
  6. dennisboothstash

    dennisboothstash Well-Known Member

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    #2786
  7. BrAdY

    BrAdY Well-Known Member

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    And who says germans have no sense of humour
     
    #2787
    dennisboothstash likes this.
  8. TwoWrights

    TwoWrights Well-Known Member

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    Stan Boardman.




    The views expressed in my posts are not necessarily mine.
     
    #2788
  9. Fez

    Fez Well-Known Member

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    The Fokker him!
     
    #2789
  10. ElTigre

    ElTigre Well-Known Member

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    #2790

  11. originallambrettaman

    originallambrettaman Mod Moderator
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  12. ElTigre

    ElTigre Well-Known Member

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  13. Plum

    Plum Well-Known Member

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    Saw this earlier today, knowing beforehand that she gets off unhurt renders it quite funny.
     
    #2793
  14. ElTigre

    ElTigre Well-Known Member

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    I bet the brave (unrelated) guy who went in and saved her was later saying to himself "what the **** was I thinking".
     
    #2794
  15. John Ex Aberdeen now E.R.

    John Ex Aberdeen now E.R. Well-Known Member

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  16. DMD

    DMD Eh?
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    This American bloke goes into a pub in Southern England.
    He gets himself a pint and then he challenges anybody to a game of pool and he beats everyone.
    The barman says, "you"re good, but Smiffy will have you."
    Then he challenges anybody to a game of darts and he beats everybody at that as well.
    The barman says, "you"re very good, but Smiffy will have you."
    Poker is the next challenge, and once again he beats every person he plays.The barman says, "you"re ****ing good, but Smiffy will have you."
    With this, the American chap says, "who the **** is Smiffy?"
    The barman points to a little elderly man wearing a flat cap, sitting at a table in the corner of the pub.
    He walks over to the table and the old guy stands up, then flicks a beer mat up in the air, drinks a pint of lager, lights a fag, pulls his trousers down and catches the beer mat right in the crack of his arse and says, "can you do that?"
    The American flicks the beer mat up in air, drinks a pint of lager, lights a fag, pulls his trousers down........and Smiffy ****in" had him!
     
    #2796
  17. DMD

    DMD Eh?
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #2797
  18. DMD

    DMD Eh?
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    I'll never forget my granddad's last words.

    "Stop shaking the ladder you little bastard".
     
    #2798
  19. DMD

    DMD Eh?
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #2799
    BrAdY likes this.
  20. DMD

    DMD Eh?
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    Okay, not exactly different, but worth repeating.

    please log in to view this image
     
    #2800
    dennisboothstash likes this.

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