Harry Redknapp anyone?

Here's a daft story you might like mate.

I was working in Tynemouth, 30 odd years back, and got friendly with a couple of lads who were Sunderland.
We'd travel down to Roker Park for the Saturday games.
One of them, Derek, worked on the fishing boats and was a big hardnut who was very handy and fearless.
(I don't like fearless people, they don't know when to back off and that's dangerous.)

He was always asking me to go down 'The Jungle' in North Shields for a pint with him and the lads on a Friday night.
His mate had warned me off, on the quiet, and I knew it had a really bad reputation.
I always managed to come up with some excuse but eventually, one night, I thought it was best just to get it over with.

So I went into Whitley Bay, to get the bus, but our lass caught up with me and told me my auntie, who lived nearby had taken ill.
I went back, got the car out and took her to A&E ........ casualty I think we called it then.
She was OK but it was too late to go to Shields and there were no mobile phones in them days for the likes of us.

I went across to meet up with the lads the next morning, for the match, but only Tommy was there.
I asked where Derek was and he said,
"Oh you missed all the fun last night man, he's in Newcastle General ....... walked into the Jungle and someone fired a crossbow bolt into his chest."

 

Sounds like Cowgate.

 

I was in North Shields, last year, and had a walk along the quay ........ the Jungle, like most of the many pubs, has gone.
It must have been mental down there 'in the day' when the docks & fishing fleet was at full tilt.

 

Well this has been a wonderful lesson in how to completely alienate yourself in one thread.

 

Why? what did I do..?

 

Aye but we all like a good fanny.

 

Crisp, damp with morning dew in the bush is how I like them..

 

You need to stay out of bushes pal what have I told you!

 

Has to be reet off for me marra, dinnet de stubbly's, lol.

 

I have no sex life mate, bought a west indian doll that faded in the sun and all that and grew things, call it QWOP now, stuck a black and white scarf round it to keep it warm for the next time and low and behold it now supports them..

Going to inflate the bugger soon like, getting way to cocky..

 

Where is he anyhow?

Not seen him in ages I've found something for him, a present. Before you ask you can't shag it, well you wouldn't want to after me any way!

 

What the ****! I was going to text you and see if you fancied a brew tomorrow but now I don't know

 

I have gone into hiding seeing as Newcastle see to it that I can't show my face anywhere or to anyone who knows my allegiance!

 

Only if there's tin-foil involved Terry, get the ****in story right..

 

I thought u was a Mackem nowadays?

I've found amongst my worldly possessions, a ball, one of them small ones, signed by Gary Speed. You can have it if you want it.

 

You bringing the teabags like? make sure they are Ringtons..

 

I think that is a grand gesture Terry and I admire your kindness, so what did you do with the left testicle?

 

That's where you give the game away innit, tin foil has it's uses but it's hardly ****ing inconspicuous is it?

You wanna try baking paper instead.

 

I got hungry waiting for him to sign that one!

 

Tried it but it keeps slipping off..

Only suitable for Manchester Tarts like yourself..