Holy Christ

I'm hoping she has no friends and zero confidence

 

Because then you'd have something in common?

 

Not zero confidence lol

 

Mate I'm 10 years deep with a 4 year old, my social life has definitely seen better days!

 

Genuine enquiry, but is English your first language?

 

to be fair it made sense when I typed it, I'm 10 years deep in a relationship which my partner and we have a 4 year old daughter. I can see how the sentence could be construed, no need to report me!

 

TBH contacting Social Services was indeed my first thought...

 

I would have expected your first thought would have been to contact a physicist or time travel police if someone had been going out with a 4 year old for 10 years!

 

I think we need CC to keep providing regular updates on his efforts to win Rachel over. It all started so confidently but since his "arse fell out" there doesnt seem to have been much progress.
Think he needs to check those steroids he is injecting - reckon someone has swapped his testosterone for oestrogen.

 

Posting just to get notifications about this brilliant thread

 

It makes sense if you realise that he accidentally typed "years" instead of "inches".

 

Surely he got the numbers the wrong way round too?

 

Mate there is no way back. I'm calling post of 2017 early, we have a winner. I genuinely had tears in my eyes reading this exchange.

 

This is becoming tragic now, I have visions of a bloke trying to argue his way to an early termination of his gym membership.

Gym: So you would like us to TERMINATE your contract because you were turned down by a girl you approached?
CC: Well when you put it like that it sounds bad, but no, hear me out... One of your customers pied me, so unless you can remove her from the gym, then you have compromised my basic human rights to exercise without...errr... I spoke to my solicitor and...
Gym: Did you tell your solicitor you walked up to her with your cock out?
CC: I might have forgot to mention that bit. Still... though... can you sort me out?
Gym: Sir you don't have a valid excuse, I'm afraid you're bound to your contract, so if there's nothing else, sir?
CC: What are you wearing?

 

Thought I better bump this as surely he will be going for it today of all days. I am sure some date appropriate chat-up lines would be appreciated. I have been married for over 20years so can't be of any assistance in this matter.

 

Two glasses of wine increases the chance of a woman having a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle she may even suck it.

Remember these pearls of wisdom CC.

 

Found these gym-related chat-up lines for you:
Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up? Because you are welcome to my meat.
My personal trainer told me I had to come talk to you for five minutes as part of my routine.
The weights in this gym just aren't heavy enough... would you mind sitting on my face while I do some crunches?
I hope you're into yoga, cause your going to get a good stretch tonight.
Are you a gym teacher? Because I need you to hold my ball sack.

 

" Hi...my name's Jim Nasium, would you like to use my equipment "

 

My ship is sinking I'm afraid

 

Never fear we can plug these holes. What you need is a reverse chat up line.

Walk up and say "Hey I just saw the best upsexy ever"
She will look confused and say "What's upsexy"

A cute giggle followed by riveting conversation will ensue. Later the hoop licking will be complete. I guarantee it.