Match Day Thread Laugh Like **** Sunday: Official Not606 Sunderland Match Thread

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Chelsea Vs Sunderland

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Preview
Will also be in high spirits as they sit four points clear of the relegation zone going into the final game, after their 0-0 draw with Arsenal in midweek guaranteed their survival.

Team News
Chelsea
Eden Hazard could miss his first Premier League match of the season after undergoing emergency dental surgery to remove his wisdom teeth.

Midfielder Cesc Fabregas is suspended , while Mourinho says youngsters Andreas Christensen and Jeremie Boga will feature, but Kurt Zouma, Ramires and Oscar are all out.

Sunderland
Costel Pantilimon will miss Sunderland’s final game of the 2014-15 season.

The Romanian stopper, is unavailable due to a knee problem with Vito Mannone expected to return to the starting line up

Danny Graham (ankle) is also a doubt but Sebastian Larsson is fit despite limping through the final stages of Wednesday’s survival-clinching trip.

Jordi Gomez, Wes Brown and Liam Bridcutt remain sidelined. Duncan Watmore may find himself promoted to the bench for the final game of the campaign

Form

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Stats n Facts

Chelsea​

• If Chelsea fail to win they will be only the second champions in the last 12 seasons to end with fewer than 86 points. Manchester United took the title with 80 points in 2011.​
• Jose Mourinho has only once experienced back-to-back Premier League defeats. That was in May 2006 when Chelsea lost their final two games (against Newcastle and Blackburn), having already clinched the title.​

Sunderland​

• The Black Cats have won just one of their 13 previous games on the final day of a Premier League season.​
• However, Sunderland have only lost one of their last seven league games (W3, D3).​
• The Black Cats have been involved in nine 0-0 draws in this season's Premier League - four more than any other side.​
• If booked, Lee Cattermole will become the first player to receive 15 Premier League yellow cards in a single season. He would also incur a three-game ban.​

Hull City Vs Manchester United

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Every time a side managed by Steve Bruce prepares to play Manchester United, he's reminded of the fact that he's never led one to victory against them.

It started with a 2-0 defeat for Birmingham at Old Trafford in December 2002, and 20 games later United's first Premier League winning (joint) captain is still waiting to get one over his old team.

The statistic has never carried more relevance than now, as is the case with the one about Hull never having won a Premier League game in May!

Nothing in The Tigers' last three performances has done anything to suggest that they can get the win they need to have a chance of staying up, but sometimes things just seem to align to make the unlikely happen - and maybe there was something in Bruce's quip last weekend about United owing him something "after wrecking my knee, my hip and my ankle".

Team News
Hull City
Relegation-threatened Hull City manager Steve Bruce has no fresh injury problems .

Jake Livermore remains suspended .

Man U
Goalkeeper Victor Valdes could make his first start for Manchester United because David De Gea is a major doubt with a hamstring injury.

Wayne Rooney could also miss out, while Jonny Evans and Luke Shaw are out.

Form

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Stats n Facts

Hull City​

• Steve Bruce has never beaten Manchester United as a manager in 21 previous attempts in all competitions, drawing four games and losing 17 during spells in charge at Birmingham, Wigan, Sunderland and Hull. His current side led 2-0 when the teams last met at the KC Stadium on Boxing Day in 2013, only to lose 3-2.​
• The Tigers have picked up the fewest points in the division since the beginning of last year, averaging just 0.87 points per game.​
• Since the start of 2014, the Tigers have scored the fewest goals in the Premier League (49 in 56 games) of the 17 sides that have been in the division throughout that period. That's despite investing £27m on strikers in that time.​
• Hull have never won a Premier League game in the month of May in 12 attempts (D3, L9). It is the most Premier League matches a team has played in a single month without ever winning.​
• They have lost six of their last eight games and only won twice in 11 matches.​
• However, four of their five home wins this season have come in 2015.​
• Hull have failed to score in the final match of their previous three Premier League seasons, all of which were at home.​

Manchester United​

• United have only won one of their last five league matches (W1, D1, L3).​
• They have conceded at least one goal in eight consecutive league matches for the first time since May to September 2001. They have not gone nine games without a clean sheet since August to October 1999.​
• If Louis van Gaal's side lose they will equal the club's record for most Premier League away defeats in a season: six in 1995-96 and 2003-04.​

Newcastle United Vs West Ham

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Newcastle's head coach John Carver has urged his players to avoid TV and social media this week - but I reckon every last one of them would have been glued to Sunderland's survival act at Arsenal, whatever the manager said.

Those who haven't been hiding under a rock will know by now that Newcastle have taken one point in 10 games. One in ten. They might need three on Sunday.

They'll be desperately hoping that the news from Hull is favourable for them because there's little disputing that - on form right now - Newcastle are the worst team in the Premier League.

If Hull produce the result they need, then Newcastle will have to save themselves. Do they have guts, the spirit, the belief and the desire?

Long-time watchers of this once great club tell me that they fear they do not.

Team News
Newcastle
Mike Williamson is available to face West Ham after serving a two-match suspension.

Siem de Jong could also return to the squad after a thigh problem but Papiss Cisse is out

West Ham
West Ham defender James Collins will miss the trip to Tyneside after suffering a calf strain last week.

Kevin Nolan returns following a family bereavement, while James Tomkins is in the squad.

Form

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Stats n Facts

Newcastle​

• Newcastle have gone 10 Premier League games without a win (D1, L9) for the first time since May 2009 - when they were relegated.​
• They have equalled their Premier League club record of 19 defeats in a season, set in each of the previous two campaigns.​
• Newcastle have won just one of their nine league games at St James' Park under John Carver (D3, L5).​
• They have kept just one clean sheet in their last 14 league matches.​
• The Magpies haven't won their final Premier League game of the season since May 2006 (D2, L5).​

West Ham​

• West Ham have won just one of their last seven Premier League games.​
• They have gone 11 league matches without an away victory (D5, L6).​
• However, they haven't lost to any of the current bottom five this season (W6, D3).​

ALL STREAMS AVAILABLE AT http://firstrowusa.eu/​

 

Looking forward to this. Not even going to watch the Sunderland game unless NBC split the two relegation matches like they did last week. Hoping Watmore gets a run out.

I want the Mags to go but think it will be Hull.

 

Great opening picture Funky. Is that Taylor after he took the goalpost on and lost?

Think it'll be Hull down but would prefer the Mags!

 

It is

 

As we're now safe from relegation I thought we might escape another of these tedious self indulgent & pointless threads.
But, oh no, Mr Lah-di-Dah Clever Bollocks has to inflict another lorry load of boring stats, information & form guides ....... the next thing you know he'll be forcing team news down our throats and posting updates.

People from other boards must come on here and laugh their cocks off.
I don't go looking on other boards, banned off most to be honest, but I'm sure they piss all over this toytown amateur attempt at a match thread. No wonder top class players hesitate to sign for Sunderland if they take a glance on here .......... our lack of success can be pinned on one man, and one man alone, ladies & gentlemen I give you Funky Dick, the man who's single handedly held back Sunderland for years.

 

I've got a good mind to put you in the opening banner

 

Must be thread of the year this..

I can imagine Bruce and Carver having a right old waffle arguing about who has the best record for the longest losing streak..

From Tyneside to East Yorkshire, the Keystone Kops are never far away..

 

Quite a nice quote

"Don’t rule out a West Ham victory, albeit with the winner scored off a flip-flop, taking a deflection on the way from a passing beach ball. There is certainly no guarantee Newcastle will pull themselves together sufficiently to require any particular extra effort on behalf of their visitors.
Six weeks ago, the warning signs were all there: the Geordies were sleep-walking to relegation. In the time since it appears the expression sleep-walking could be regarded as something of a compliment. It at least implies some sort of forward movement. Latterly, as the threat of the drop has grown ever more real, they have appeared to be a side in a coma, seized up in the grip of a grotesque mix of horror and complacency."


ManU have been erratic this season to say the least and have shown themselves to be beatable. A surprise is possible and imo the Mags have every reason to be worried, with or without the best coach in the league.

 

Got a daft poond on West Brom, us and Southampton to win. Treble pays 459 - 1, worth a punt

 

That's more like it mate

 

Wonderful thread Bri. Me & bairn just burst into laughter upon seeing the opening photomontage (er, is that even a word? Been on the pop, but vaguely remember it from some ****y art lesson at school 35 years ago!)

Still, brilliant stuff.

Like most I think Hull will go, but it'll be a laugh either way.

 

voted Hull but want Newcastle purely for Colback the c*nt.

 

All logic tells us that the odds are heavily stacked in the Mags favour...So why do I have the gut feeling that it could be the Mags for the drop..

 

I'm hoping that Hull win so that point at Arsenal is all the sweeter. Newcastle to be winning only for a Colback own goal in the 90th minute sends them down.

 

Spoilt for choice here

 

I have the same feeling.......

 

Last day of the season has no logic, some unbelievable things have happened in the past.

The last time Newcastle went down they only needed a result against a team that had absolutely nothing to play for ...... and blew it.
They had a far better team than they have now.

Incredibly they had a 'True Geordie' relegate them last time ......... surely that can't happen again

 

Oh yes it can......

I think they'll **** it up and Hull will win. Hull, despite being lily livered, have created plenty of chances in recent games. They just need one or two to go in and hold on.
The Mags are generally incapable of creating chances. I hope its a dodgy west ham goal off the chicken dancers arse. Followed by a downing 30 yarder to knock the stuffing out of them.

 

Hull have the Egyptian Beckham playing for them so will win. Newcastle have no chance against West Ham - Carol to score winning goal.