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Off Topic - Short jokes

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by Lord Jonjomort, Apr 9, 2015.

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  1. Lord Jonjomort

    Lord Jonjomort Well-Known Member

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    Anyone got any decent, childish, short jokes? The ghost thread had a couple of chuckles on it, and in our situation we all need a laugh. I'll start;

    What bees produce milk, not honey?
    Boo-bees.
     
    #1
    Lord Jonjomort, Apr 9, 2015
  2. Sheikh_of_Araby

    Sheikh_of_Araby Well-Known Member

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    Why did the Banana go to the doctors?

    It wasn't peeling well........ba boom
     
    #2
    Sheikh_of_Araby, Apr 9, 2015
  3. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    I asked my dad if he could an Elvis impression

    He said "Uh huh"
     
    #3
    Warmir Pouchov, Apr 9, 2015
  4. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    The inventor of the urinal deodoriser block has died.

    Long may he rest in piss.
     
    #4
    Warmir Pouchov, Apr 9, 2015
  5. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    Addiction is like diahorrea

    It runs in my genes
     
    #5
    Warmir Pouchov, Apr 9, 2015
  6. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    Now for some true short jokes...

    Where do dwarfs get their golf clubs?

    Littlewoods

    Seven dwarfs walk into a brothel.

    One ****ed a giraffe. The other 6 put him up to it.
     
    #6
    Warmir Pouchov, Apr 9, 2015
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  7. Lord Jonjomort

    Lord Jonjomort Well-Known Member

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    I went to a zoo the other day, it only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu.
     
    #7
    Lord Jonjomort, Apr 9, 2015
    Obi Wan and salad fingers like this.
  8. Sheikh_of_Araby

    Sheikh_of_Araby Well-Known Member

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    Where does a sheep go to get a haircut? The Baa Baa shop
     
    #8
    Sheikh_of_Araby, Apr 9, 2015
  9. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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    Have you read that book on mountain climbing by Willie Makeit?
    I've just finished the follow up about being stranded on said mountain by Betty Won't.
     
    #9
    Albert's Chip Shop, Apr 9, 2015
  10. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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    statistically 6 out of 7 dwarves isn't happy.
     
    #10
    Albert's Chip Shop, Apr 9, 2015

  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    be careful if you see a bra lying on the road

    it could be a booby trap
     
    #11
    kiwiqpr, Apr 9, 2015
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  12. jimileysbaldhead

    jimileysbaldhead Well-Known Member

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    Why do dogs lick their bollocks?
    Because they can.
     
    #12
    jimileysbaldhead, Apr 10, 2015
    Obi Wan likes this.
  13. Obi Wan

    Obi Wan keeper of the peace

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    From my daughter's favourite joke book:


    So this limbo dancer walks into a bar...


    What's brown and found on a piano stool?
    Beethoven's last movement.


    What's brown and sticky?
    A stick
     
    #13
    Obi Wan, Apr 10, 2015
  14. Obi Wan

    Obi Wan keeper of the peace

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    Ahh, now I get why you were smearing dog food over your bollocks, Jim.
     
    #14
    Obi Wan, Apr 10, 2015
  15. jimileysbaldhead

    jimileysbaldhead Well-Known Member

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    It's all down to my pedigree, chum.
     
    #15
    jimileysbaldhead, Apr 10, 2015
  16. jimileysbaldhead

    jimileysbaldhead Well-Known Member

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    I see Martina Navratilova's got a new sponsor for her senior tennis debut.
    Snap on Tools.
     
    #16
    jimileysbaldhead, Apr 10, 2015
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  17. rooch 3

    rooch 3 Well-Known Member

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    Whats brown and sounds like a bell, Dung.
     
    #17
    rooch 3, Apr 10, 2015
  18. InBiscanWeTrust

    InBiscanWeTrust Rome, London, Paris, Rome, Istanbul, Madrid
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    Did you hear about the explosion at the French cheese factory?

    was de-Brie everywhere.
     
    #18
    InBiscanWeTrust, Apr 10, 2015
  19. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    Somewhere there's a turf war going on between skeletons and secret gays.
     
    #19
    Warmir Pouchov, Apr 10, 2015
  20. Warmir Pouchov

    Warmir Pouchov Better than JPF

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    The bloke who invented the turbocharger died this week.

    His funeral is any day nnnyeeeeeeow
     
    #20
    Warmir Pouchov, Apr 10, 2015
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