Theresa May goes into her bank: "Good morning", she says to the cashier, "could you please cash this cheque for me? Cashier: "It would be my pleasure madam, but could you please show me some identification?" May: "I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I'm Theresa May, Leader of the Conservative Party - the Prime Minister!!" Cashier: "Yes, I know who you are madam but with all the bank regulations, monitoring, impostors and forgers etc., I must insist on seeing some identification". May "Just ask any of the customers here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am!" Cashier: "I'm sorry madam but these are the bank rules and I must follow them". May: "I'm urging you, please cash this cheque for me". Cashier: "Look madam, this is what we can do. One day Colin Montgomery came into the bank without any ID. To prove he was Colin Montgomery he pulled out his putter and putted a ball along the floor and into a small cup". "With that sort of skill we knew it was Colin Montgomery and we cashed his cheque. On another occasion, Andy Murray came in without any ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and lobbed a tennis ball straight into my teacup with such a spectacular shot that we all knew it was Andy Murray. " May starts to think and think and finally says, "To be honest, there is nothing that comes into my mind. In fact I can't think of a single thing that I'm any good at." Cashier: "Will it be large or small notes you require madam?"
http://shareably.net/health-benefit...re&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=undefined The benefits of farting...
Rude, hilarious yet still able to bring a tear to my eye. Russell Howard on a 14 yo boy with cancer...
I called on an old school friend and asked what was he doing these days. He replied that he was working on “Hydrothermal chemical treatment of ceramics, aluminium, and steel, in a contained environment." I was suitably impressed. A few days later, I called again and his wife answered the phone. I said she must be proud of her husband being involved in such specialised, scientific work. She said "What has he been telling you?" - so I told her. She replied “Don’t be silly, he was washing the dishes - under my supervision!"
Poor old Lu@n Justice... look at the Luton dive for a pen on this link http://www.skysports.com/football/n...did-danny-hylton-dive-to-earn-luton-a-penalty
A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge £50.00 for them. The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs. He returns a few days later and this time orders 50. The Jewish owner tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him £60.00 each. The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store's remaining stock of 50 and this time for £75.00 each. The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?" The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to Jewish men for £200.00 each."