Off Topic The complaints thread

I've got a cheeky split personality.

 

You should go see a shrink, they will help you get to the bottom of that..

 

go get a room you pair of queers

 

Well that's rich coming from someone who has a mail forum member stalker/admirer, so shut it fish breath...

EDIT: I am not in any way homophobic, just in case that banter gets taken out of context

Peace!

 

I do but don't want to be deemed a mass debater.

 

I would like to complain about Air Canada, who are a bunch of useless twats in the same league of **** as BA, Iberia, KLM and Air France. Because of their incompetence I am spending 10 extra hours at Toronto Pearson airport and will not get home until tomorrow morning, when I got up at 4.00 am specifically in order to get connections which would have got me home today, fresh for the weekend.

The suggestion that I spend some time 'down town' was I'm afraid, mockingly rejected. I've spent time in Toronto, the only thing to do is drink. And I can do that for free at the airport.

 

You have my sympathy, Stan. Missing connections when the weekend is at stake is more than frustrating. If you get tired of drinking, you can always find a few kids and get them to teach you Pokemon Go... It may be the start of a new life

 

That actually sounds quite tempting. 8 hours waiting to go and I am already so bored I am contemplating doing some work. I've had 3 breakfasts, 2 beers before 10 a.m, a little doze (from which I awoke drooling a bit). I have a good spot in the club lounge with a comfy chair and power point, but am worried about bed sores if I don't move around. I may leave the sanctuary and mingle with the plebs for a bit. If there is a decent restaurant I will have an incredibly long and expensive lunch. And I will probably buy gadgets that within hours will be at the back of a drawer in my desk at home, never to be used again.

I'm going to hold this against Air Canada, the Canadian nation, and all Canadians living or dead for a very long time. No wonder the Yanks laugh at them and call Canada 'Northern Minnesota'

Watch this space for more rivetting updates.

 

I remember catching the 7pm on a Friday out of New York, which was always a good prospect to get into the UK at breakfast time on Saturday. This particular evening there was snow about and so we sat there, and eventually took off after 1.00 am. These were the old days when the film was shown at the front of the Club cabin (of about 80-ish passengers). After eventual take off, the hostess asked me if I wanted to see a film, and when I said yes, she asked what I wanted to see. I looked around and all the other 79 were asleep - so I got my own viewing...

 

With the possible exception of our good friend, Maple Ranger, I hope?

Have a good flight back, mate.

 

Not so much a complaint, more a bemoaning of ill fortune. I was due to fly to Dublin today for a weekend that included going to see Barcelona v Celtic at the Aviva stadium. However, I have been laid low with a virus that has left me voiceless and barely able to climb off the couch. £340 down the drain, no craic, and no one can hear me moan about it.

 

I'm prepared to put him on probation.

I am now in a position to give a comprehensive review of Pearson Airport Toronto, Terminal 1 E Gate zone. I can be that precise because once you arrive in this zone you can't get out (except on a plane). Bit like Guantanamo Bay or Kafka's The Trial. I have not been told how I have transgressed, but this is clearly some form of punishment. Or perhaps I have died, and my adamant denial of an afterlife has landed me in purgatory.

Pros - plenty of natural light, draught Guinness (or as I like to think of it, anaesthetic) in the club lounge.

Cons - just about everything else. There are no good restaurants, just loads of places selling bread based snacks, a Chinese place heavily advertising Wayne Gretzky's Niagara Reisling wine (" My contribution to the growing reputation of Canadian wine" W. Gretzky. I'm afraid that the allure of a wine produced by an ice hockey legend in vineyards doubtless under 6 ft of snow for 4 months of the year escapes me), and the ubiquitous Tim Hortons. This is a Canadian fast food chain (think doughnuts were its original thing) which specialises in removing all of the natural taste and flavour from its dishes and replacing them with LDL cholesterol, trans fats, sugar and salt in various quantities. There is a long queue of very wide people for this outlet.

No shops except for expensive European fashion (Gucci etc). Actually no Canadian produce at all, except maple syrup. Note to 'Dr' Fox - not much we can get from Canada, but they appear to need everything themselves. Duty free, and you might be able to get a bucket of pure Canadian trans fats from Tim Horton.

No electronics shops for me to waste money on pointless and tatty gadgets in.

6 more hours to go.

Bad luck Strolls, look after yourself.

 

Sorry to hear that, Strolls. Hope you get well soon.

 

True story.

I was at a conference last week at a hotel in Richmond. We had run out of cups and saucers for coffee, so a colleague asked the waiter for more. Looking slightly confused he wandered off, only to return with the requisite amount of cups and the below:

I relayed this story to a friend and he told me the following: his grandson had recently been to McDonalds and ordered a number of meals, when he asked to pay by Apple pay, the girl behind the counter walked away and came back with an Apple PIE!!!

If we are going to employ non brits (and I have no issue with that), can we at least make sure they understand English please?

 

Insult to injury. I turned down a ticket for the cricket at the Oval this evening because it clashed with the Dublin trip, and I suggested someone to take my place. He just texted me a photo showing what great seats they have, as if it's going to make me feel better!

 

To be fair, I always feel better the further away from cricket I am.

 

Sorry to hear that Strolls. What a bummer!
Get well soon.

 

Still here in Toronto airport, final hour before leaving.

I'll miss it, I've become institutionalised. I've walked seven miles entirely inside today, air conditioning is now my natural environment. Did find a place to have a rather weak biriyani and a couple of Kingfishers.

I don't get bored easily ( the broad, sunlit, empty realm within my head is full of surprises to occupy me) but **** me this has tested my patience. Crap like this happens, but the spineless and limp response by Air Canada has lost them my business in perpetuity.

 

You know the Kingshers were brewed in London (UK), at least they are here.

 

Have a safe trip home and hope you can salvage some of your delayed weekend Stan