Iain was always very bitter about life. As a Christian, the reformation had led his cult behind as Protestant’s ran riot, schooling Rome and sending the Spic back to the Iberian peninsula. Iain’s head had been filled with the Roman cultist revisionism mixed with misty eyed Irish republicanism as he sat in his Garngadhill ****hole with his brothers, Podraig and Bert. The love story begins as Glasgow City Council were helping thousands of asylum seekers, new to the UK, make a natural transition from living in abject squalor in Africa, surrounded by crime and a daily threat to life, by housing them in the Garngad. Iain, a typically racist fenian arsehole DESPISED the big lipped newcomers and as he adorned his hooped 1993 Celtic strip he planned a racial attack on the first jigaboo that he saw, as he headed off to the buroo to collect his housing benefit. As he tried to get on the bus, he spotted some Sudanese darkies but he also spotted something that would change his life forever… the roundest, fattest, thickest and biggest ass he’s ever clapped eyes on. Iain approached her and asked her for a shag, she scowled and shouted “Patience” and he was hooked…