The ref for the West Ham game...

Hah yes that's exactly what I said, which seemed to be the prompt for the furious glare from the missus.

 

That phrase almost got me into trouble a year or so ago, with the youngest (21) in the car. About to pull out of a junction, a nob jockey pulling into the road Im coming out of, he goes, then stops (for no ****ing reason), Id started going but had to stop mid road, he then starts moving again, and as he passes I say "****er" to him. He stops, gets out of his car, and storms over to me giving it "Im a ****er am I?" I was like "Yeah you've stopped on a ****ing junction you twat!" Daughters have a nervous breakdown, but as he gets to me, traffic clears so off I ****, slightly relieved cos he was a big ****er haha!

 

Here's mine for what it's worth. This will be 13 or 14 years ago now. Go to pick son up from Junior School and get told the deputy headmaster needed to speak with me. I go into his office whereupon he tells me my son has written ****ER on another boys shirt collar. The other boy was a friend of my son so I know it wasn't malicious. I didn't take in what the deputy head said for quite sometime and had to ask the him to repeat what he had said. Shock set in after that. Me in his office repeating the word and asking "are you saying my son has done this". Obviously asked him if he was sure he had the right 'culprit'. I went through the "We will be talking to him at home to ascertain where/when he had heard the F word and letting him know it isn't appropriate to use it" . Finally leave school with my son. On the way home I am talking to him and casually drop into the conversation "where have you heard that word and who used it". The reply came back. " I heard you say it daddy when you were driving the car".

 

In Hessle I was with my Mum and Dad and this bellend in a transit van came right up the arse of my Mum who was clearly trying to reverse park into a space that she'd just pulled past, was indicating whilst reversing into said space.

He had the audacity to do the ****er sign at my Mum whilst throwing expletives at my Dad. I jumped out of the car and I've never seen a piece of **** reverse up a side street off the Weir as quick as he did.

Fear no one.

 

Hah!

Mum related driving then.

Me mam and dad ran the golf club in Welwyn Garden City for a while. I'm in the car with me mam going round a roundabout. She's turning right, past 3 other junctions. So, she's in the left lane ALL the way round. Nearly knocks some poor lad off his motorbike, who, rightly so imo, makes the ****er gesture at her, and taps his head, clearly quite angry, and yeah, understandably so. I'm just trying to sink into the seat tbh. Mam says "pay no mind our Happy, there's loads of arseholes like that round here".

 

A bloke cut me up at a junction, and then slammed on and jumped out of his car yelling, 'did you just call me a nobhead' ? Being younger and dafter, I jumped out to discuss it with him, but in my haste, I forgot to knock it out of gear, and my car set off, with me stood next to it, and it rammed straight into the side of his car.

 

Serves the ****er right

 

Reminds me of the story about the little girl in the car with her mum. They'd been driving for half an hour when the little girl asks,"Where are all the ****ing arseholes, mummy?" Mum replies, "They only come out when daddy is driving, dear."

 

Isn't there some bloke, Keiran or summit, that does these threads?

 

Let's hope there are no children reading this. Blushing face thingy.

 

Aye, there's no place on here for phrases like 'transit van'.

What's wrong with an honest to goodness 'tranny'?

 

So, let's get this right. His mum's a tranny? Is his dad a male escort?

 

If it helps my Mum is dead.

 

Retrospectively, no it doesn't, especially as with forums no-one really knows an individuals circumstances. If you had put something along the lines of 'before my Mum died', rest assured I wouldn't have put any half witted attempts at schoolboy humour at your Mums expense. For any offence caused I apologise.

 

No worries, no offence taken. I have mentioned it many times.

 

His mum is a Tranny and his dad is a Ford Escort.

They drive a Ford Pubic...it's a special edition made from old Corsairs.