Why the Cheltenham Festival ain’t ‘all that’

Between now and March 15th we will have the uninitiated and the easily led proclaiming next month’s 4 day Cheltenham Festival to be ‘totes amazing’, ‘so brill’ and ‘awesome’. However, is that really the case??? Somehow I don’t think it is as:

(i) the most famous, most prestigious and most valuable NH race isn’t even at the meeting,

(ii) its tagline ‘the greatest show on turf’ has to be the most lamest and infuriating on all time. Sure to make even a pacifist want to commit mass murder,

(iii) its full of people who have no interest whatsoever in racing and are in attendance solely to get drunk as quickly as possible,

(iv) its Executive has no regard whatsoever for the welfare of the horses. This was highlighted most starkly when after 5 deaths at the opening 2 days in 2012 Simon Claisse snapped, ‘these things happen’,

(v) the Cheltenham ‘roar’ has to be the most unspontaniuos and bland thing in sporting memory. Once it was imaginative and the source of joy now its a case of ‘after three you must cheer, its expected’,

(vi) the ‘new’ races are in so many cases dire and totally out of place at such a prestigious meeting. Return the fixture to 18 top quality heats over 3 days. The ‘new’ contests are no more than borderline average races in so many cases,

(vii) the newly instigated ‘GB v Ireland contest’ is frankly ridiculous. Who cares where a winner is trained??? Also how does a horse owned by an American, bred in France and ridden by an Irishman really count as British just because it is trained, at the time of its victory, in Lambourn?!?

(viii) so many handicaps at the meeting have become dull, and full of average horses, due to there being now so many of them at the Festival. Also why aim a horse at one of these when there are more valuable handicap races elsewhere throughout the term,

(ix) some of the people that have races named after them are not worthy in my opinion – The Queen Mother and ‘Daddy’ Martin, need I say more!

(x) how can you take seriously a place that names its new stand after some minor Royal. What a dappy, outdated and offensive decision in times of austerity. Rename it after a great horse or great racing type – like Mr Henderson, for instance.

Have I missed anything out??? Feel free to totally diss the meeting. Don’t be afraid!

 

Can ya' buy a pie floater there?

 

Going into full anecdotal mode that reminds me of a story regarding my first head of department when I joined the coalface. From time to time he used to regale the story about how his one and only lifetime bet was a winning one – on the 1990 Grand National which was his wedding day (incidentally his 3rd wedding day and at the time he hadn’t yet reached 25! This one had a happy ending though as they are still together).

Anyway, everyone at the wedding apparently backed the winner because, in his words, ‘it was trained by a woman called Kim’ – his new wife was similarly monikered. Not until I first heard this story in about 2008 did he learn the truth!

 

Barney, fancy a pint in the Arkle Bar before the Supreme?

 

I thought you had Barney but then I noticed you had slipped it in the penultimate paragraph

 

The Presbury cup has to be up there with the World Cup as one of the most dramatic and exhilarating competitions in world sport!!

 

Not in attendance this year, old boy. Will probably take the last 2 days days off though and watch them from home. Never has been my favourite meeting to attend...I won’t bore you again with my tales from the 2 years I did go on CGC day. I’m sure you’ve heard them before!

 

It's certainly a hype festival- but it's not the only meeting with good quality fields , it is a victim of its own success so you can't blame the organisations that profit from such jamboree s - give me Cartmel .......

 

Some interesting points, Sir Barney, just one or two comments:

(iii) I too have only been to the Festival meet a couple of times in my life, and, it is true, the stench of stale beer does pervade the air, but, hell, I'm a publican's son so I lived through it! As for the people "with no interest whatsoever in racing", I think this applies to Royal Ascot much more than the Cheltenham Festival. Most of the spectators who attend the Festival days know their onions on NH racing, inebriated or not.

(iv) Very harsh words, I am quite certain the Festival executive do care about the horses.

(vii) That is hypocrisy, SBC, you, of all people, really do care as to where a winner is trained? I can honestly say 'I don't'. For example, Monksfield was one of my all-time favourite racehorses, and you know where he was trained? And the gentlemanly Willie Mullins is becoming a great favourite of mine too. Got Henderson beat for basic manners, but you will never admit to his proven rudeness over the telephone to bloodstock agency staff?

(ix) It's hardly their fault?

Heck, this is too much for me. Moderators, please parole SA and allow him a quick shout on this!

 

Yes, let us all get behind the return of ArkleSupreme. Somebody must know how to get in touch with the great man. You know what really ****s me about this forum? It's the lack of debate about the relative merits of Arkle and Flyingbolt, and whether Kauto Star, on his best day, was good enough to blow wind up their arses. And another thing, why isn't Denman's dodgy ticker dragged out more often when it comes to the mere mention of Kauto Star's name? I mean, lets face it, Flyingbolt was actually better than Arkle, who was miles in front of Kauto Star, who was only in front of Denman because of the latter's heart problems.

 

Swanny, I’m sure most people would agree with you on the Royal Ascot v Cheltenham point but I can honestly say that when I’ve been to the latter there have been some right numpties in attendance who seemingly aren’t interested in the slightest by the racing. Anyway, is Royal Ascot really a race meeting?!? I go practically every year (2014 was I think the only year I’ve missed in the past half a dozen) but liken it more to a pantomime really!

My favourite hurdler of all time was also trained in Ireland (Hardy Eustace). Meanwhile, in my dictionary if you look up the word 'gentleman' then Mr Henderson is pictured underneath the definition.

 

That's very good, SBC!

 

The insistence of the organisers to hijack St Patrick's Day in order to akek even more money from punters - even when the festival doesn't take place on 17 march

 

Dare I mention that the wonderful institution that is the Foxhunters is this year being media hijacked by Betfair and some bint that apparently used to ride a bike

 

And the hill - how can you expect the animals to go up that at the end of a race

 

Glad you got that off your chest SBC. One thing I wholeheartedly agree with is the increase to 4 days. 18 races was enough.

 

The times they are a changing

 

Come on people! Are we really talking like this! 4 weeks to the pinnacle of the horse racing calendar! I bloody love festival week and I can't wait!!!

 

Barney on his weekly doom and gloom thread...Nicky mustn't have tipped him after his shoe - shine again

 

I FECKIN LOVE CHELTENHAM