Women Are Mental

So this is another one of my daft stories.

Mrs luv is a very clever woman but there of course is a flaw as there is with us all.

Mrs luv hates to let people down and feels very guilty if she cancels a night out or doesn't attend an occasion etc. So because of this she tells lies. Now at this point you are probably thinking that everyone does that, "I'm not well", "the car broke down" etc.

So Mrs luv recently didn't fancy a night out with friends so text her friends that my father was in hospital after falling off a ladder, in follow up text she explained that all was ok and that the operation was a success and he will walk again.

Women are mental.

 

lol wow that is proper mental.

Mrs Bob's favourite is to make me say what she thinks about not going somewhere rather than it being her problem, it's "our" problem lol

 

The worrying thing is that it's all thoought through, I asked "what if someone knows my dad?" the answer is that she'll explain that he's my stepdad and that she was talking about my real father who doesn't exist (sort off).

 

lol, erm... i'm worried for you now luv. No offence but mrs luv sounds batshit mental

 

Wow! Keep her away from sharp objects mate!

 

They all are mate, you just don't know it yet. Sleep with one eye open my friend.

 

I will refer to the only bit of advice my dad ever gave me (or only bit I remember) "women are ****ing nuts, if they didn't have pussies we would throw rocks at them"

 

Can't be arsed with this thread...ill be here all day.

 

Back in the 90's I was a young un but I didn't realise my words were so profound in one of my tracks in the Amerikkkas Most Wanted Album

'Women they good for nothing...naaah maybe one thing...to serve needs to ma ding a ling'

A few decades later I can't believe how right I was.

 

What thread is next?

The sky is blue

Humans need air to live

Fire is hot

 

All she needed was one Apple...one ****ing apple and we all end up thrown out of heaven.

Go figure..bitches be evil

 

You ever been in an office when all the women are on a "diet" and won't ****ing shut up about it. Then some **** brings in cakes for their birthday and it is like that stampede scene from the Lion King. I'm obviously Mufasa

They can't resit any type of food, if the camera had cut away to the apple tree when the snake was giving her an apple you'd see she had already ravaged the rest of the tree and there was no fruit left.

 

Haha yeah..they ****ed up.

I've been in offices where women flirt then I whip my cock out as it's the next logical step and I end up getting warnings and ****.

 

Yep .... this proves it's the wim wims that are bat **** crazy

 

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I can’t bring myself in this heat to type the times my Mrs has been nuts.

What gets me is they don’t see it themselves. They think they are perfectly normal.

 

My other half felt obligated to attend a funeral of a woman who belonged to the same gym she uses.

Conversation went like this,

Her: are you coming to the funeral with me?
Me who’s funeral?
Her Diane
Me Diane who? Do I know her?
Her well no, you don’t know her, but I thought you might want to come.
Me well, do you want me to come with you?
Her it’s up to you.
( repeat this Exchange a few times)
Me look, if you’re asking me do I want to attend the funeral of somebody I don’t know and have never met, no why would I? If you’re asking me to accompany you as your husband, yes I’ll come. So, do you want me to come with you.
Her. It’s up to you.


Aaaarrrggggghhhhhhh!.....!

 

They can’t help but add the completely unnecessary detail, that’s because they all talk too ****ing much. It’s inbuilt ****wittery.

 

You’re far too nice mate.

If that was me the conversation would have gone as follows;

Her: are you coming to the funeral with me?
Me: who’s funeral?
Her: Diane.
Me: Diane who? Do I know her?
Her: well no, but I wondered if you’d like to come?
Me: I’d rather eat my own ****ing face.
Her: is that a no then?
Me: how perceptive of you.