Off Topic What HAVE you done?

God these are tame in comparison.

1) Discovered that I'm the great grandson of an 'unknown' aristocrat
2) Once served a chap in my youth who on being unsatisfied with my level of customer service asked me "Don't you know who I am?" and had to led away in tears of laughter. Still don't know who he was.
3) Fell in love.
3) Nearly been driven off the road by John Virgo the snooker player. Though who hasn't.
4) Nearly/actually washed away crossing a river in company car filled it too about 6 inches inside and managed to convince my employers it was a common ford issue.
5) Been abandoned on the wing of a prison (aged 18) while working as the guards had to deal with an 'emergency'. Funniest 10 minutes of my life.
6) Refused to work overtime to help Paddy Ashdown.
7) Answered the phone to a lady who turned out to be my own sister who I'd never met.
8) Actually knew (not friends I hasten to add) a serial killer & am related to someone else who knew a different serial killer and was friends.
9) Saved someone from drowning.
10) Wrote to Jim'll fix it as a child. I wasn't his kind as turned out thank ****

 

Was he the blind bloke with dodgy glasses?

 

Wasn't that Bernie Winters?

 

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That's number 3,

One from the BBC vaults:

 

I got mixed up with Dennis Taylor

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Don't get mixed up with Dennis Taylor.

 

He the blind bloke with dodgy glasses though

 

Here's another 10
Played at Anfield
Scored 3 penalties against Ray Clemence (I was about 10 and yes, he did let them in)
Had Al Fresco sex
Been stabbed (by my brother of all people)
Been on QVC loads of times
Been on the National Lottery Lucky Numbers quiz and came second.
Had lunch at the Casino in Monaco
Raced at Castle Coombe and Bedford Aerodrome
Flown a light aircraft
Stayed overnight in the Grand Canyon

 

Regarding number 10, Jim’ll once fixed it for me to milk a cow whilst blindfolded...

 

Almost finished my long essay about the traits of the British - modesty, humility, self deprecation, the head down, grin and bear it, mustn’t grumble, chin up, stoic unflashiness and dislike of attention seeking of the average Brit.

Currently revising content.

 

A few more :

1. Family history research - can trace my family history back through verifiable lines to Henry II, my 27x great grand father
2. Also found a highwayman in the family, which is somehow equally as cool
3. Can reasonably claim to have invented dogging in the UK (well, maybe the people we found watching us through the car window in the mid 80s had something to do with it - that was a surprise, I can tell you)
4. I once met Doug McClure, when he was in full 'Land That Time Forgot' costume and make-up, whilst having a tour round Pinewood Studios.
5. 24 years ago I was in a traffic accident (was hit by a motorbike whilst crossing a busy road) and I 'lost' four hours of my memory that to this day I still haven't got back - even though I apparently never lost consciousness.

 

1. Climbed the only 3 bridges you are legally allowed to climb: Brisbane, Sydney and Auckland
2. Snorkeled off the Great Barrier Reef
3. Have DJed at Bleinham Palace
4. Once went a year unbeaten at Pool (played every weekend rather than just once in a year)!!
5. Have completed the London to Brighton Bike ride 4 times
6. Have raised £40k in your year through DJing and event planning
7. DJed for a family when Whitney died, DJed for the same family the following year when Amy Winehouse died..and decided the following year I wouldn’t work for them again!!!
8. Have a fear of heights and yet like to climb mountains
9. Fell down the stairs as a 3 year old and broke my arm…….broke it again as a 13 year in a fight at school and broke it a 3rd time at the age of 33 on a mountain bike!!!

 

That used to happen to me every weekend when I was in my early 20s......

 

Not as exciting as those above but....

1. As a teenager completed Ten Tors expedition across Dartmoor 4 times including 2*55 mile routes.
2. Completed the 3 Peaks challenge in under 24 hours with ten minutes to spare despite having waited for second minibus at the bottom of Scafell for over an hour in the pouring rain at 4am on a Sunday morning with no phone signal.
3. Never had a broken bone or operation in hospital.
4. Beat a mate at pool from the break off without him even having one shot. (By the standard of the other pool players here this may not be so good!)
5. Had a 26 in a game of skittles, left a winger standing, never managed three floppers for a maximum in 16 years of playing.
6. Eaten a hard boiled egg, cooked in the volcanic ground of Mt Batur, Bali.
7. Over half way to the 100 Parkrun milestone in the mud of Parke, Bovey Tracey.
8. Apart from a year at Plymouth Uni, I’ve never lived more than 3 miles from Newton Abbot. Maybe sad, but when the moor is ten minutes drive and the beach fifteen why move away!
9. Crafted a boat in sand at least once on every family holiday I’ve taken my children to in the last 20 years, even started to convert said boats into racing cars.
10. Until our playoff final victory vs Derby I’d been to Wembley five times and not seen the side I was supporting win. One visit was Genesis in 1988 though!

 

OK, not one for bragging, but I have a sporting hattrick that isn't too easy to do:

1. Hole in one (golf)
2. 180 (more than once) (darts)
3. Scored a goal after less than 5 seconds from the half way line. (football)

 

New
Attended a speed Awareness Course that has to be the best example of how lost this nation has become. The gulf between reality and corporate fluff was incredible
Run by two ex female officers who had just discovered buzz words for the first time
I was one of only three English out of 22 people on the course
4 hours of my life I won’t get back ... well unless I increase my overall speed

 

I went on one of those. In 30 yrs of driving, I have never had an accident, been stopped or caused any driving problems. Yet one warm day on a clear open road I went 2.5- 3MPH over the limit. 2 policeman were hiding behind a bush with a camera.
I got £120 fine and 3 points on my license. Or I lost the points if I attended the Awareness Course. 2 ex-coppers ran the thing (jobs for mates) and made me feel like some criminal as if I could have caused the deaths of many in the past events. Twats..

They bored me for 4 hours and I swear if it happens to me again I will pay the fine so I don't have to waste my time listening to those muppets again.

The moral of the story is while they were trying to catch criminals like myself for going 3MPH over the limit, locally on that day a girl was murdered in Reading. A house in my street got burgled and there was an assault.
Still money for old rope for them.

 

I bet they were Remainers!

 

Yep I am still cross
Got done by a camera in Brighton 4mph over
What got me was they honestly believe that people drive at 70mph on our motorways
They also then claimed we had the best roads and safety records in Europe!
When you can still do 60mph on country lanes the whole thing stinks ... they claim if no has an accident then it’s policy not to change anything!

When asked if I would ever speed again I answered of course I would as time and space to me is safer. I said I often find a empty space on any motorway and if that means overtaking at over 70mph I am going to do it.

They simply wouldn’t concede that their was a revenue stream involved here. I was able to give them some hard facts that insurance companies are pushing hard with telematics for all age groups. I know this as I have recently been working on that subject. Insurance companies currently make next to nothing on Motor Insurance but it’s compulsory. They are always looking for new ways to make money and telematics are key and already built into 5 year forecasts. The market has become cut throat and the aggregator companies are to blame across the board

No idea where it will all end up but bottom line it’s all about making money and people don’t get why I think the U.K. is just one big shop.

There is no money it’s that simple so public services are forced to adopt money spinning bullshite. Driver Awareness Courses are a money spinner for everyone so I fully expect they need to keep feeding them.

I was also told that a car can’t stop doing 45mph on a DVD that used one of those Top Gear idiots. I said we aren’t all driving Morris Marinas in 2018.

Bloody still pissed off with this system
I will also take the points next time as held a clean license for 40 years £97 for 4 hours and had to buy a very ****ty coffee