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Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. Vincemac

    Vincemac Well-Known Member

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    £1 pint tonight
     
    #4681
    Gil T Azell likes this.
  2. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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  3. Nig

    Nig Well-Known Member

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  4. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

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    #4684
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  5. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

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    #4685
  6. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

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    <laugh>
     
    #4686
  7. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”

    The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

    The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

    The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the Bastard.” They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

    Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

    The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

    The Russians have said “Its not us”
     
    #4687
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  8. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

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    I'm sure some people will be 'offended' at some of that and, to be honest, I am myself.

    But some of it's funny and being offended won't kill me.

    I laughed out loud at the Scottish 'Let's Get the Bastard' because that's just how they are ...

    ... wonderful people who can turn into frightening loonies in seconds <laugh>
     
    #4688
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  9. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    I only ever post to try and give people a hearty chuckle.
     
    #4689
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  10. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

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    That's to your credit mate and much appreciated.

    Some things, on here, aren't to my taste but wtf, if it's funny it's funny.

    I don't like criticism of the French resistance, which is often seen as a figure of fun, as an example.

    But some people can't seem to see the difference between a bit of daft fun and reality ...

    ... I was brought up as a strict Geordie but now take the piss out of the stereotype.

    Some people need to lighten up, especially at times like this.
     
    #4690
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  11. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

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  12. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #4692
  13. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    #4693
    MrRAWhite and Gil T Azell like this.
  14. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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  15. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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  16. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

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    Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Midway airport, leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
    The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.
    For a few moments everything was silent in the cab.
    Then, the shaking driver said, "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."
    The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
    The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault.
    Today is my very first day driving a cab.
    I've been driving a hearse for 25 years
     
    #4696
  17. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

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    Single man with toilet roll

    looking for single lady with hand sanitizer
    for good clean fun
     
    #4697
    Nig, gelders pie, SAFCDRUM and 4 others like this.
  18. MrRAWhite

    MrRAWhite Well-Known Member

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    #4698
  19. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

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    <laugh>
     
    #4699
  20. Ozzymac

    Ozzymac Well-Known Member

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    #4700

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