1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8781
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    Whilst driving through Yorkshire.....

    please log in to view this image
     
    #8782
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    My flight back from Gibraltar to Glasgow has just been cancelled.

    Now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
     
    #8783
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    My wife ran off with the milkman this morning.

    Watching them drive away on his milk float was the worst two hours of my life.
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8784
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8785
    San Diego and Didley Squat like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8786
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8787
  8. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    125,909
    Likes Received:
    224,122
  9. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    125,909
    Likes Received:
    224,122
  10. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    125,909
    Likes Received:
    224,122

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    I took on a new painter & decorator the other day. We were having a chat and he told me he is a furloughed Virgin Atlantic pilot !

    He made a lovely job of the landing .
     
    #8791
  12. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    125,909
    Likes Received:
    224,122
    .... and the flight of stairs....
     
    #8792
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8793
    San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
  14. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    22,014
    Likes Received:
    87,683
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8795
    Gordon Armstrong and San Diego like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    Mr Singh walks into a bank London and asks for the loan officer. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so Mr Singh hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million pounds.
    “The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says Mr Singh, “and I have all the necessary papers.”
    The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. After Mr Singh leaves, the loan officer, the bank's president and all their colleagues enjoy a good laugh at the man for using a £250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral against a £5,000 loan.
    One of the employees drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, Mr Singh returns, repays the £5000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41.
    The loan officer says, "Sir, I must tell you, we’re all a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and discovered that you’re a multimillionaire. Why would you bother to borrow £5,000?"
    The man replies, "Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41?"
     
    #8796
    San Diego likes this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    The Moody Blues are doing a brief tour of Wales..........4 nights in Prestatyn, but never reaching Bridgend.....
     
    #8797
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    Said to my mate I saw this couple having sex on the common.

    He said Clapham, I said no they didn't need any encouragement.....
     
    #8798
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,533
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8799
    San Diego and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  20. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2011
    Messages:
    125,909
    Likes Received:
    224,122
    If men were agony aunts .................

    Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
    A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you. Knowing that there is only one of you, he can only settle for the next best thing, your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure, then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
    Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
    A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house too} Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.
    Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
    A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it in your own time or get your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.
    Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
    A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish. Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.
    Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
    A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day, then cook him a nice meal.
    Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
    A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
     
    #8800
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.

Share This Page