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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Said to my mate I saw this couple having sex on the common.

    He said Clapham, I said no they didn't need any encouragement.....
     
    #9481
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9482
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Mum Thrilled To Receive 3 Wishes After Genie Lamp Appears On Dash.....
    “These fancy new cars have everything!”
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    #9483
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9484
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9485
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9486
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9487
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9488
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  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I see the poster spellcheckers in Bristol have been furloughed
     
    #9489
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  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #9490
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  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #9491
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Just paid 20 pounds for a 2 mile taxi ride to the launderette.

    Feels like I've been taken to the cleaners.
     
    #9492
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9493
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

    The barman looks at him and says,

    "Hang on! You're a duck."

    "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

    "And you can talk!"
    Exclaims the barman.

    "I see your ears are working, too,"
    Says the duck.

    "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

    "Certainly, sorry about that,"

    Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.

    "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"

    "I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck.

    "I'm a plasterer."

    The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

    So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

    The same thing happens for two weeks.

    Then one day the circus comes to town.

    The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him

    "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

    "Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.

    "Get him to give me a call."

    So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,

    "Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

    "I'm always looking for the next job,"

    Says the duck.

    "Where is it?"

    "At the circus,"

    Says the barman.

    "The circus?"

    Repeats the duck.

    "That's right,"

    Replies the barman.

    "The circus?"

    The duck asks again.

    with the big tent?"

    "Yeah," the barman replies.

    "With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

    "Of course," the barman replies.

    "And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

    "That's right!" says the barman.

    The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . ......

    "What the f*ck would they want with a plasterer??!"
     
    #9494
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9495
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Bloke: "What do you do for a living?"
    Me: "I'm a spy."
    Bloke: "Why are you dressed as a shepherd?"
    Me: "I'm a shepherd spy."
     
    #9496
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  17. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    Copyright: Spike Milligan, Goon Show 1954
     
    #9497
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My neighbour just yelled at her kids so loudly, that even I brushed my teeth and went to bed!
     
    #9498
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I keep having a recurring dream I’m a horse!

    That’s five nights on the trot!
     
    #9499
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9500
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