Off Topic Lesser things

Yeah I have. I do that over 40's MOT thing at the Doctor's surgery every year. Thankfully BP, cholesterol and blood sugar all okay.

 

Wait until you get to the over 60’s MOT thing. That’s a right laugh

 

Worst pain ever had was when I ****ed my eye. The body is bloody marvelous at keeping things in check when they first happen. 9 hours later just before going under the knife I was in a darkened room climbing the walls.

Worst pain I've ever seen someone else in, mate playing at centre half was taken out in the middle of his shin from the side. Snapped in two, one bit of bone laid an inch to the side of the other in his sock.
Squealing like a pig.
Nasty.

 

quinsy

 

So after that hot shower, and butchering the nail, i't's quite calm today.. No pain...

But whoever came up with the term funny bone?

Think we all know that for those few moments, it's not funny;

 

When I turned 55, I received from my local hospital, a home enema kit and an invitation to book an appointment with the arse doctor. You were supposed to lie on the bathroom floor and perform the enema on yourself, then make your own way to the arse doctor once your dung funnel had been thoroughly evacuated. On arrival at the ****ter clinic, you would be probed using a flexible tube known as an endoscope. Wahey.

It was at this point that I realised, it's ****ing **** getting old. Did not make the appointment with Dr Proctor the rectum doctor. **** that for a game of soldiers.

 

My proctologist was a lazy ****, I told him to pull his finger out.

 

Probably when he realised he could peel an orange in his pocket.

 

There's a phrase amongst many surgeons that the only two reasons to not give someone a rectal examination as a matter of course are because either you don't have a finger or the patient doesn't have an arsehole.

You've got to remember that to do their job they have to view the human body in a very mechanical manner. To them it's like checking the oil on a car, to you it's someone sticking their finger up your arse... because they are.

 

So next time you go in to the arse doctor, ask him to check the oil and filters while he's up there.

 

Oh **** that rings a bell. About 16 years old, turn up at the GP (proper old time GP) say I’ve got a bit of a sore throat doctor. He had a look and said pack a bag son, and phoned the hospital. 3 days of antibiotics in the buttock area. Only time in hospital apart from having my tonsils out.

 

I ignored it for too long then it was misdiagnosed .. I nearly died like..

 

well having turned up for mine i can say you are a total pussy









but also very wise .

 

Dr Procter ****ing hell lol

 

Dr Shipman.