What day of the week is it thread

Need an Ark?

I Noah Guy.

 

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Due to my total obsession with Police interview techniques, my wife has told me that she’s leaving me.

For the benefit of the tape she left at 9.07 am :

 

This lorry driver sat eating his egg and chips in a transport cafe, when ten Hells Angels walked in.
They walked up to the lorry driver, started eating his dinner and drinking his tea.
The lorry driver just stood up and walked out.
The Hell's Angel leader walked up to the counter and sticking his chest out said, "He wasn't much of a man was he?"
"No" said the cafe manager, "he wasn't much of a lorry driver either, he's just reversed over ten motorbikes!"

 

Just had a letter from the Herb and Spice company saying I owe them £100.

If I don't pay by tomorrow, they're sending the Bay Leaf’s around.

 

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The Queen once bought Prince Charles a fox fur hat but he never wore it. One day Charles said to her I’m going to Cannock tomorrow to open a new civic centre.

The Queen said wear the fox hat. Charles replied up in the midlands by Wolverhampton!

 

Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the
doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.
Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About 6 hours later, the Morris goes to his wife and says, 'Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?'
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch
and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.
He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, 'Honey, please... just one more time before I die.'
She says, 'Of course, Dear,' and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending death,
tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.
Again he taps his wife, who rouses. 'Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could...'
At this point the wife sits up and says, 'Listen Morris, enough is enough I have to get up in the morning... you don't.'

 

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My Grandad recalls fighting them on the beaches.

Lovely man, terrible deckchair attendant.