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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9061
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2020
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A young widow goes to see her gynecologist for an examination. He says to her "You're still a virgin but you've been married three times, how come?"
    The widow replies "My first husband was an astronomer, all he did was stare at it. The second was a psychologist, all he did was talk to it. My third husband was a stamp collector, bloody hell, I do miss him"
     
    #9062
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2020
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9063
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2020
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9064
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2020
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9065
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2020
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9066
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2020
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Due to my total obsession with Police interview techniques, my wife has told me that she’s leaving me.

    For the benefit of the tape she left at 9.07 am :
     
    #9067
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2020
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9068
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2020
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Need an Ark?

    I Noah Guy.
     
    #9069
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2020
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9070
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2020
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  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #9071
    kiwiqpr, Jul 15, 2020
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, and all sorts of things.
    The grandfather is saying in a controlled voice:
    "Easy, William, we won't be long".
    Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say,
    "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there".
    At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the cart.
    Grandfather says again in a controlled voice,
    "William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."
    Very impressed, the woman goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says,
    "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying that things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandfather."
    "Thanks," says the grandfather, "but I'm William, this little bastard's name is Kevin!
     
    #9072
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 15, 2020
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9073
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 15, 2020
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9074
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 15, 2020
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    This lorry driver sat eating his egg and chips in a transport cafe, when ten Hells Angels walked in.
    They walked up to the lorry driver, started eating his dinner and drinking his tea.
    The lorry driver just stood up and walked out.
    The Hell's Angel leader walked up to the counter and sticking his chest out said, "He wasn't much of a man was he?"
    "No" said the cafe manager, "he wasn't much of a lorry driver either, he's just reversed over ten motorbikes!"
     
    #9075
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 15, 2020
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Try this puzzle.....its amazing......!!!
    This maths sequence can predict your favourite film. Mine was Goodfellas.....Not sure how it knows but it is my absolute fave film.....it does work....!!!
    Pick a number between 1 & 9
    Multiply it by 3
    Add 3 to that number
    Multiply again by 3
    Add the two digits together and see results below:
    3. Oliver Twist...
    4. Star Wars...
    5. Goodfellas...
    6. Saving Private Ryan...
    7. Jaws...
    8. Grease...
    9. The Joy of Anal Sex with Male Goats and Leather-Clad, Oiled-Up Lady Boys....
    10. Mary Poppins...
    See......it's spot on.......!!!
     
    #9076
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 15, 2020
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9077
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 15, 2020
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Finally, a picture that captures 2020.

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    #9078
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 15, 2020
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Lidl will open 25 new stores in the UK this year creating 1,000 jobs.

    This will include 7 new checkout operators.
     
    #9079
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 15, 2020
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  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #9080
    kiwiqpr, Jul 16, 2020
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Page 454 of 746
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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