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Jokes

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by ellandback, Jun 25, 2019.

  1. Old Git

    Old Git Well-Known Member

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    WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?

    I used to think I was just a normal person, but I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist.

    I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today's standards, makes me a fascist.

    I am heterosexual, which now makes me a homophobe.

    I am mostly non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.

    I was christened by my parents (who were married, in a church and remained married until they died), which now labels me as an infidel.

    I am older than 65 and retired, which makes me useless.

    I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much that the main -stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.

    I am proud of my heritage which makes me a xenophobe.

    I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.

    I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

    I believe in the defence and protection of the Country for and by all citizens, and I honour those who served in the Armed Forces, which now makes me a right wing-militant.

    Funny but it's all just taken place over the last 7 or 8 years!

    Finally, as if all this nonsense wasn't enough to deal with, now I'm not even sure which toilet to go into.
     
    #761
  2. 2020VisionofLeeds

    2020VisionofLeeds Well-Known Member

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    If you’re over 65 I can confirm the useless bit. I know I am.

    by the way people were saying the same stuff when I was a kid (different in detail of course, but the same sentiments) and I thought they were geriatric ****ers.

    now I see they were really remarkably insightful individuals.
     
    #762
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  3. FORZA LEEDS

    FORZA LEEDS Well-Known Member

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  4. OLOF

    OLOF Well-Known Member

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  5. Eric Le Merde

    Eric Le Merde Well-Known Member

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    I thought Chish would appreciate this one!!

    FB_IMG_1599898299290.jpg
     
    #765
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  6. lifecheshirewhite

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    You've obviously altered it from Ozzie haven't you ? Chish ?
     
    #766
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  7. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    Yis.
     
    #767
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  8. lifecheshirewhite

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    An Aussie saying hello [gayday m8] <yikes>
     
    #768
  9. milkyboy

    milkyboy Well-Known Member

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    As it’s topical the only kiwi specific joke I know:

    How do you tell the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

    You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo
     
    #769
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  10. Eric Le Merde

    Eric Le Merde Well-Known Member

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    An Aussie bloke is having a quiet drink in a bar and leans over to the big guy next to him and says, 'Do you wanna hear a Kiwi joke? The big guy replies, 'Well mate, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 1.90m tall, 125 kg and I played as a forward for the All Blacks." "The guy next to me is 1.85m, weighs 115 kg and he's an ex-All Black lock." "Next to him is a bloke who's 2m tall, weighs 120 kg and he's a current All Black second rower.
    Now do you still want to tell that Kiwi joke?"
    The Aussie bloke says, "Nah, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."
     
    #770

  11. blonogasoven

    blonogasoven Well-Known Member

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    A boy was in a science class learning about sexually transmitted infections.
    The teacher said, "Now there is nothing funny about syphilis."
    The boy said, "There is if your doctor has a lisp."
     
    #771
  12. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    Bit like the girl that went to the doctor complaining of chest pains. The doctor held up his stethoscope and said "Big breaths" and the girl said "Yeth and I'm only thicksteen."
     
    #772
  13. Ringo Lion

    Ringo Lion Pumpkin

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  14. Ringo Lion

    Ringo Lion Pumpkin

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  15. Ringo Lion

    Ringo Lion Pumpkin

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  16. OLOF

    OLOF Well-Known Member

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    Jk Rowling talking about the 20th anniversary of Harry Potter.
    I don't think anyone has milked a small wizard this much since Debbie Magee
     
    #776
  17. Whitejock

    Whitejock Well-Known Member

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  18. OLOF

    OLOF Well-Known Member

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    Got that sent to my phone this morning mate, i haven't stopped laughing<laugh>
    Do you think he was running away from BLM terrorists?<laugh>
     
    #778
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  19. wakeybreakyheart

    wakeybreakyheart Well-Known Member

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    What a set of ****ing idiots.
     
    #779
  20. wakeybreakyheart

    wakeybreakyheart Well-Known Member

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    They are the scumbags ruining this country.
     
    #780

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