**** jokes thread

This is the fist year I haven't run the London Marathon due to Covid. Every other year I haven't run it because I'm **** at running Marathons

 

Many years ago my mate's missus came a close second in the Miss England 1997 competition. Later that year she was beset by a long period of bad luck. She suffered years of drug and alcohol abuse and a series of eating disorders. She lost a leg and needed facial reconstruction surgery after a road traffic accident. Later, she suffered 90% burns in an unprovoked acid attack. Several of her teeth were knocked out and an eye gouged in a fight outside a KFC Chicken Take Away. The stress caused severe hair loss and facial warts.
But she never stopped believing.
And then finally, last month, she was crowned Miss Scotland 2020

 

They would absolutely love that on the General Chat board ... might I suggest the "Sometimes Laughter Is The Best Medicine" thread?

 

**** the jocks

 

Many years ago my mate's missus came a close second in the Miss England 1997 competition. Later that year she was besetby a long period of bad luck. She suffered years of drug and alcohol abuse and a series of eating disorders. She lost a leg and needed facial reconstruction surgery after a road traffic accident. Later, she suffered 90% burns in an unprovoked acid attack. Several of her teeth were knocked out and an eye gouged in a fight outside a KFC Chicken Take Away. The stress caused severe hair loss and facial warts.
But she never stopped believing.
And then finally, last month, she was crowned Miss Scotland 2020

 

Man under a pile off leaves.

Russell.




Just to get things back to being ****.

 

Woman balancing pints of bitter on her elbows and head.....beartix.


Woman balancing pints of bitter on her elbows and head whilst playing snooker.....beartix potter


Boom boom

 

Man in a pool, no arms, no legs.

Bob.

 

Woman who throws all her bills on the fire......Bernadette

 

Man with a seagull on his head.

Cliff

 

Man with spade on his head ... Doug

Man with spade removed from head ... Douglas...

Man with spade in hands ... Chaos

 

Man on roids.
It;s happening.

 

Woodrow Wilson

Woody Allen

Woody Guthrie

Woody Harelson

Wooden Statham

 

Man with number plate on head ... Reg

Dead Man with number plate on head ... X-Reg

 

Wine in the kitchen
What rat..

 

Damn you