Off Topic The Goodhand Arms

Given the state of the world today . I just thought I would take this opportunity to wish you and yours a happy and safe weekend .

 

How thoughtful of you. Thank you and take care.

 

Thanks mate, you too.

 

You too jasp.

 

Whether you support the monarchy or not, seeing The Queen sitting there on her own, due to social distancing, head bowed throughout, is utterly heartbreaking.

 

Just had the same convo with Mrs No7.

I didn’t see the Queen, I just saw a frail old lady that I wanted to hug.

 

Exactly this.

 

She looked so frail, vulnerable and alone all of a sudden

 

Cooked Mrs Jab a tasty Italian dinner, simple recipe it was a pizza cake.

 

I`ve sussed this Line of Duty business. `H` is actually H from Steps. They are going to mince onto screen in the next episode singing Tragedy - I shot Kate cos I`m in an OCG.... Or maybe not.

 

If anyone is interested, I'm selling my DeLorean.
Really good condition and very low mileage as I only drove it from time to time.

 

Breaking: Derek Chauvin found guilty of unintentional 2nd degree murder of George Floyd, also of 3rd degree murder and 2nd degree manslaughter.

 

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.

‘In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive.

In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.

However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'

A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'

 

Three men were at the gates of heaven, but there was only room for one person. St Peter asked each of them how they died, and the best story got through.

Man 1: I was adamant my wife was cheating. I came up to my apartment on the 24th floor and walked in, only to find my wife by herself. I was pleasantly surprised until I saw a man hanging off the edge of the balcony by just his fingers. I went over to him with a hammer and hit his hands until he let go. He fell in some bushes, and was still alive, so I grabbed my fridge and lifted it over the edge so it would fall on him. And after all that heavy lifting, I died of a heart attack.

“Oh that is terrible”, said St Peter as he turned to the next man, “what about you?”

Man 2: well I was on my 25th floor balcony doing some yoga and I fell over the edge! I was hanging on by just my fingers when I saw a man coming over, I was so relieved! But then he started hammering my fingers and I fell in a bush. I was alive but very sore. He then threw a fridge over the edge on to me, and here I am”

“That is just terrible,” said St Peter. “What about you?” He asked man number 3.

Man 3: “Well I was hiding in a fridge”

 

Two dogs at the vets one says to the other What are you here for? The other dog replied I was out walking in the park with my master when I saw this gorgeous poodle. I couldn't help myself so I gave it one now I'm here to get my nuts chopped off. What about you? Well said the first dog I was walking up the stairs and the bathroom door was open and there was my masters wife bent over drying herself after a shower and I couldn't help myself either so I jumped up and give her one. The other dog says so are you here to get your nuts chopped off too? No he replied I'm here to get my nails clipped.

 

I love stuff like this:

 

Girl goes into a hairdressers in Newcastle and says:

"Can you give me a perm?"

"Okay" says the hairdresser.

"I wondad lurnley as a clood..."

 

It wasn’t until I said that out loud...