I was walking out of ASDA this morning with my shopping when a man approached me and asked, "Would you be interested in joining the AA?" F*ck sake, just because I have 40 bottles of beer in my trolley you have me down as an alcoholic. Judgemental b*stard!!
I said to the girl at the Tesco checkout: "Can you do this any cheaper, it's got today's date on it?" She said: "Look mister, do you want the f*cking newspaper or not?"