Jiggs McDonald, NHL Hall of Fame broadcaster speaking in Ontario, says: "I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Toronto. I think that it should be the goal of every Canadian to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance. That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be for gays, "The Turban Cowboy" and the other, a topless bar, could be called "You Mecca Me Hot." Next door should be a butchers that specialises in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called “Iraq of Ribs." Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret" with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods, and on the other side an off-licence called "Morehammered." All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance that they demand of us. Yes we should promote tolerance, and you can do your part by passing this on, and if you are not laughing or smiling at this point, it is either past your bedtime, or it's midnight at the oasis and time to put your camel to bed"
A teacher asks her class what their parents do for a living. Mary says, "My dad's a doctor." The teacher says, "That's great, can you spell doctor?" "Yes, miss," replies Mary, "it's D-O-C-T-O-R." "Well done," says the teacher, "Who's next?" Billy puts his hand up and says, "My dad is in the police and he's a constable." "That's very good, Billy," says the teacher. "Can you spell constable?" "Yes, miss, it's C-U-N ..." at which point the teacher interrupts and says "No, Billy, try again." "OK, miss, it's C-U-N ..." at which point the teacher jumps in again and says to Billy, "Not quite, why don't you practice in your spelling book and we'll come back to you in a minute? Right, who's next?" "My dad works as a bookie, miss," says little Johnny. "Oh," replies the teacher. "Can you spell bookie?" To which little Johnny replies, "No, miss, but I'll give you 5/4 on that Billy writes c*nt in that book.
I'm delighted to announce that my wife is carrying our first child. He's 28 and sprained his f*cking ankle
Well I might be able to top that... my wife and I are supporting a 2nd family...my son and his 2 kids live with us.
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his torch around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows that you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, turned off his torch, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out to disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.' Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his torch beam came to rest on a parrot. 'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot. 'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that Jesus is watching you.' The burglar relaxed. Who on earth are you?' 'Moses,' replied the bird. 'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?' 'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'