We had a neighbour with a vegetarian cat. We were asked to feed it while they were away and found a dead bird it had killed in the house! Who needs jokes with mad folks like that around.
Why 70s kids are hardcore. We slept in a room colder than outside. Got beat by our teachers, beat by our dads because of it, were sat in front of a TV full of proven paedophiles and if you pissed somebody off they didn't block you, they waited outside your house and thumped you.
I along with thousands have been celebrating #WorldNakedGardeningDay. Only one little hitch - I didn't realise it had to be your own garden. I'd like to apologise to my neighbours the Braithwaites, who were startled this morning by the sight of me spraying their japonica.
The Park Ranger had been trying to catch a guy for illegal crayfish poaching, so he hid behind a bush and waited. Along came the guy and soon after he pulled a crayfish from the billabong. The Ranger jumped out and said “Okay Billy I am arresting you for stealing crayfish“ Billy said “I didn't steal any crayfish, he's my pet and I bring him here for five minutes swimming lessons and I can prove it.” “Okay “, said the Ranger “prove it.“ Billy put the crayfish back in the water and after five minutes the Ranger said “Okay, where is he? “ Billy said, “Where's who?”
I arrived early at the local restaurant last night. The manager said: “Do you mind waiting for a bit?” I said: “That’s fine”. He said: “Good, take these drinks to table 7”…
I got chatting with a girl in a bar last night, "Can I buy you a drink?" I asked. "Don't you have a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends. ""No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," I assured her. "Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a Cider please. A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle we headed off back to her place and made passionate love. While I was putting my clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?" I said, "My wife found out."