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Jokes

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by ellandback, Jun 25, 2019.

  1. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #2761
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  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    The Pope was having a shower. Although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions. Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy semen flying through the air. "Hold on a minute!" said the Pope, You can't do that - you'll destroy the reputation of the Church!". "This is my lottery win", said the photographer, "I'll be financially secure for life with these photos!" So, the Pope offered to buy the camera from the photographer, and after much negotiation, they eventually settled on a figure of $2,000,000. The Pope clothed himself and headed off to destroy the images on the camera. Along the vast Vatican hallways, he bumped into his personal housekeeper. Being a bit of a photography buff, she noticed the camera and said, "That looks like a really expensive digital SLR camera, how much did it cost you?" Not being one to lie, the Pope replied, "Two million Dollars.." "TWO MILLION Dollars!" replied the housekeeper, they must have seen you
     
    #2762
  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    In an alcohol factory the regular tester died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
    A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
    The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him.
    They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."
    "That's correct", said the boss.
    Another glass. "It's red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south western slope, oak barrels."
    "Correct." The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something.
    She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
    "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, made inside the office. And if you don't give me the job, I'll also tell who's the father!"
    The boss collapsed.....
     
    #2763
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  4. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #2764
  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #2765
  6. Old Git

    Old Git Well-Known Member

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    #2766
    Makemstine Roger and OLOF like this.
  7. ellandback

    ellandback Well-Known Member
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  8. Old Git

    Old Git Well-Known Member

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    #2768
  9. xbpod

    xbpod Well-Known Member

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  10. xbpod

    xbpod Well-Known Member

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  11. Whitejock

    Whitejock Well-Known Member

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    Reminds me of .....

    upload_2021-6-7_14-21-47.png
     
    #2771
  12. Irishshako

    Irishshako Well-Known Member

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    #2772
  13. xbpod

    xbpod Well-Known Member

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    Stocked my fridge with beers for the Euros, customised for matches

    I've got San Miguel for when Spain play because it's Spanish, Beck's for when Germany play because it's German, Kronenberg when France play because it's French and Carling for when Scotland play because it's ****
     
    #2773
  14. xbpod

    xbpod Well-Known Member

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  15. xbpod

    xbpod Well-Known Member

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  16. Whitejock

    Whitejock Well-Known Member

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    #2776
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  17. xbpod

    xbpod Well-Known Member

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  18. Gessa

    Gessa Well-Known Member

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    How many rolls would Grealish do after being on the end of one of those
     
    #2778
  19. Whitejock

    Whitejock Well-Known Member

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    Simple answer. None. He's clearly a crapper, so probably would have given up football after he was tackled for the first time, & became a hairdresser or manicurist instead.
     
    #2779
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  20. Whitejock

    Whitejock Well-Known Member

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    #2780
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