Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Canny idea.

 

Ah, the light at the end of the tunnel!

 

Three ducks walk into a bar.

"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender.

He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"

"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked.

"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"

"No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles.

 

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”

The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”

The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”

The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.”

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?”

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.

The man demands the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.

He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.

Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.

So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”

The man is relieved to no end.

He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk....

 

Is there an echo in here?

 

I've accidentally taken my cats medication ffs.
Don't ask meow

 

As I get older, I think of all the people that I've lost along the way . . . . maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me

 

please log in to view this image

 

My son said, "Dad, when was the first time you fell in love?" I said, "I was 18. I walked into a bar and saw the most gorgeous blonde I'd ever seen. Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her." He said, "What happened?" I said, "The arrow missed and hit your f*cking mother!"

 

please log in to view this image