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Jokes

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by ellandback, Jun 25, 2019.

  1. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Fairy Godmother gives a man 1 wish. He asks if he can live forever. The fairy godmother tells him that's the one wish that fairies are not aloud to grant.
    The man thinks a while..... and then asks if he can die when Newcastle win the Champions League. The fairy goes ...."you crafty bastard"
     
    #3401
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  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    additions..... is u is , i axe u, wot, no wot i meen, innit, wotcha, talk to da and, see ya,

    please log in to view this image
     
    #3402
  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A man was riding his Harley along a California beach, when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

    The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

    The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

    The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'

    The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?'
     
    #3403
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  4. Poly

    Poly Well-Known Member

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    *allowed.
     
    #3404
  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    if you get rid of the parrot infestation
     
    #3405
  6. Poly

    Poly Well-Known Member

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    Sorry but they're might be children reading* who don't know that they're two separate words:

    1. aloud: as in to read aloud
    2. allowed: as in not permitted

    Children over 11 probably know the difference, but 11 years and under might not.


    *Plus, of course, adults with a reading age of 11 and below, who identify themselves as they post.
     
    #3406
  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    grown ups know this is a jokes thread, and not for petty childish bickering and point scoring,if you want an argument take it to the politics thread and you will get one
     
    #3407
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  8. Poly

    Poly Well-Known Member

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    But some "grown ups" have child like reading skills...

    They are easily identified as the ones taking most offence to their inadequacies being pointed out. But carry on with your jokes, some are quite amusing.
     
    #3408
  9. Aski

    Aski Well-Known Member

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    I presume you mean "there" as opposed to "they're" given that "they're" is a contraction of "they are" and "sorry but they are might be children" doesn't make any sense ;)
     
    #3409
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  10. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    some grown ups suffer from halitosis, fellatio is often the cause:emoticon-0105-wink:
     
    #3410
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  11. Old Git

    Old Git Well-Known Member

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    Unlike you
     
    #3411
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  12. blonogasoven

    blonogasoven Well-Known Member

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    :emoticon-0136-giggl
     
    #3412
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  13. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    #2 should be disallowed - not permitted. Just saying.




    This is fun, eh?
     
    #3413
  14. Eric Le Merde

    Eric Le Merde Well-Known Member

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    Oh I disagree with you there, it should have been:

    2. allowed: as in permitted

    :emoticon-0148-yes:
     
    #3414
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  15. Aski

    Aski Well-Known Member

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    Unless you are Cockney then it would be

    'allowed - made holy, or consecrated ;)
     
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  16. Poly

    Poly Well-Known Member

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    I did.

    Should read "There may be children..." not "they're may be children..."

    Thanks for spotting that, grammar is important. I had it right the first time.
     
    #3416
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2021
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  17. Poly

    Poly Well-Known Member

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    Whether something is allowed, refers to whether it is permitted.
     
    #3417
  18. Poly

    Poly Well-Known Member

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    Whether something is allowed, refers to whether it is permitted.
    Roger's "joke" was in reference to something NOT allowed. Try to keep up.
     
    #3418
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2021
  19. Aski

    Aski Well-Known Member

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    ????????


    Edit : Oh I see you have edited the post, and acknowledged the error you originally made :emoticon-0148-yes:
     
    #3419
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  20. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    Blimey, you back? Hope you're well.
     
    #3420
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