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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #20461
    antipodean exile, Sep 27, 2021
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  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #20462
    antipodean exile, Sep 27, 2021
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  3. Number 1 Jasper

    Number 1 Jasper Well-Known Member

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    upload_2021-9-27_8-58-21.jpeg
     
    #20463
    Number 1 Jasper, Sep 27, 2021
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #20464
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2021
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #20465
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2021
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #20466
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2021
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #20467
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2021
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #20468
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2021
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #20469
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2021
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    RETIREMENT BONUS
    The Royal Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
    The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000...
    The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with £96,000.
    The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief Stoker who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my penis to my testicles.'
    It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two Officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measure was taken by a Medical Officer.
    The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to drop 'em,' which he did.
    The Medical Officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's penis and began to work back. Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your testicles?'
    The Old Chief calmly replied, ' The Falkland Islands'.
     
    #20470
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2021
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I've just got a job for Halloween making plastic Draculas.

    There's only two of us on the production line, so I've got to make every second count.....
     
    #20471
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2021
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #20472
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 27, 2021
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  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #20473
    antipodean exile, Sep 28, 2021
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  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #20474
    antipodean exile, Sep 28, 2021
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  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #20475
    antipodean exile, Sep 28, 2021
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  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #20476
    antipodean exile, Sep 28, 2021
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  17. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #20477
    antipodean exile, Sep 28, 2021
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  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #20478
    antipodean exile, Sep 28, 2021
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  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #20479
    antipodean exile, Sep 28, 2021
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  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #20480
    antipodean exile, Sep 28, 2021
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