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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

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  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5901
    kiwiqpr, Oct 3, 2021
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  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5906
    kiwiqpr, Oct 3, 2021
    likesforeveryone, THE FOOL and organic red like this.
  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5911
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  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5912
    kiwiqpr, Oct 3, 2021
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  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    So this bloke got chatting to this girl in a bar, "Can I buy you a drink?" he asked.
    "Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends.
    ""No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," he assured her.
    "Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a white wine please.
    A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle they headed off back to her place and made passionate love.
    While he was putting his clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
    He said, "My wife found out."
     
    #5913
    kiwiqpr, Oct 3, 2021
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  14. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #5914
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Oct 15, 2021
  15. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #5915
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Oct 15, 2021
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  16. luvgonzo

    luvgonzo Pisshead

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    Love it.<laugh>
     
    #5916
    luvgonzo, Oct 15, 2021
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  17. Zanjinho

    Zanjinho Boom!
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    Ole Gunnar Solskjaer walks into a Bank to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ms could you please cash this cheque for me?"

    Cashier:"It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?"

    Solskjaer:"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Manager of Manchester United”.

    Cashier: "Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."

    Solskjaer: Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

    Cashier: "I am sorry, Mr Solskjaer but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."

    Solskjaer,"Come on please, I am urging you, please cash this cheque."

    Cashier: "Look sir, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque."

    "Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque. So, sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?"

    Solskjaer stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I don't have a clue."

    Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes , Mr Solskjaer?”
















    #notsorry
     
    #5917
    Zanjinho, Oct 27, 2021
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  18. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    Already heard it
     
    #5918
    Red Hadron Collider, Oct 27, 2021
  19. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    It seems that Alec Baldwin had more shots on target that Utd or Everton at the weekend <whistle>
     
    #5919
    Red Hadron Collider, Oct 27, 2021
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  20. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    How many immature people does it take to change a light bulb?
    Your mum.
     
    #5920
    Garlic Klopp, Oct 27, 2021
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