1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    21,990
    Likes Received:
    87,583
  2. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    21,990
    Likes Received:
    87,583
  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,376
    Likes Received:
    113,952
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13583
    Wooperts_duck, Nig, Draig and 2 others like this.
  4. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    21,990
    Likes Received:
    87,583
    A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
    In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.
    'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'asked the solicitor.
    Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '
    'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'
    Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road...... '
    The solicitor interrupted again and said,'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '
    By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy's answer and said to the solicitor:
    'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.
    Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded.
    'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.
    Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
    Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?' 'Now wot da fock would you say?'
     
    #13584
  5. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    18,540
    Likes Received:
    42,624
  6. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    21,990
    Likes Received:
    87,583
    Two men are busted for drugs, and the judge says "I'd like to give you both a second chance. I want you to help other people to quit. Come back on Monday, and I'll pass judgment then"


    Next Monday, the judge asks the first guy "How did you do?"

    "Your honour, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs" he beams.

    "That’s wonderful" the judge says. "How did you do that?"

    "I used a diagram with two circles" the guy explains "I said that the big circle was their brain before drugs and the little one was their brain after."

    “Excellent. Not guilty” says the judge, before addressing the second man, "How did you do?"

    "Your Honour, I persuaded 235 people to give up drugs,"

    "Amazing. How did you do that? asks the judge.

    "Well, I used the same diagram, but all that I did was point to the smaller circle and say “This is your arsehole before you go to prison."
     
    #13586
    Nordic, Draig, Nig and 2 others like this.
  7. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    21,990
    Likes Received:
    87,583
  8. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    21,990
    Likes Received:
    87,583
    Paddy and Mick walk past a shop in London.
    A sign in the window says,
    Suits £5
    Coats £3
    Trousers £2.
    Paddy says to Mick "look, we could buy a load of clothes and take them back to Dublin and sell them for more than 10 times what we pay for them."
    They go in and say to the woman behind the counter,
    "Hello, can we have 50 suits,100 coats, and 80 pairs of trousers please?"
    The woman replies "you're Irish aren't you?"
    Paddy says "Yes . . . . how did you know?"
    She replies "This is a dry cleaners, you daft ****."
     
    #13588
  9. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    21,990
    Likes Received:
    87,583
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13589
    Draig, spirit of 73 and Chunksafc like this.
  10. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    21,990
    Likes Received:
    87,583
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13590
    Nordic, Philftm, Draig and 2 others like this.

  11. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    21,990
    Likes Received:
    87,583
  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,376
    Likes Received:
    113,952
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13592
    Wooperts_duck, Nig, Draig and 4 others like this.
  13. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    18,540
    Likes Received:
    42,624
  14. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    18,540
    Likes Received:
    42,624
    Just had to have a chat with my son about masturbation earlier today, I told him it's completely natural, everybody does it,
    And he should knock before coming into my room..
     
    #13594
  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,376
    Likes Received:
    113,952
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13595
  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,376
    Likes Received:
    113,952
    Two old ladies sat on a bench on Brighton Sea Front
    A naked jogger ran up to them
    As he passed the first one she had a stroke
    The second one sadly couldn't reach him
     
    #13596
  17. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    21,990
    Likes Received:
    87,583
  18. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    21,990
    Likes Received:
    87,583
    please log in to view this image
     
    #13598
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2022
    Philftm, Nig, Gil T Azell and 2 others like this.
  19. Comfy

    Comfy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2019
    Messages:
    2,865
    Likes Received:
    6,090
    Two nuns sharing a bath, one says to the other “where’s the soap” the other one says “ yes I does doesn’t it”
     
    #13599
  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    58,376
    Likes Received:
    113,952
    does it make the farts smell nice too<whistle>
     
    #13600
    Wooperts_duck and Comfy like this.

Share This Page