I want to give a big shout out to the lady next door who loaned me a big cover to stop my stuff getting wet. Ta Pauline.
OK. So we've all heard of the actor Richard Gere. But it is such a shame that his fame overshadowed that of his famous ventriloquist father..... Gotler !!
There were these two priests who rode bikes to church every Sunday. Well one day one of the priests showed up to work without his bike. The other priest asked where his bike was so the first priest said, "I don't know, but I think it got stolen!" The other priest said, "Well what you do is read off the Ten Commandments, and when you get to "Thou shall not steal" someone will confess to the crime." The next time the two saw each other the priest had his bicycle back. "I see you got your bike back! Did you do what I said?" the one priest said. The other said, "Well kind of, when I was reading the commandments and I got to Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery, I seemed to remember where I had left it."
In the village where I live everyone wears a jumper 2 sizes too small. Never found out why even though its a tight knit community.
I was in the chemistry lab at school earlier and I said to the prep assistant, “What can I use to get rid of germs?” She said, "Ammonia cleaner." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, I thought you worked here..."
I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?” “Try the ATM outside,” he said.
Kevin gets a New Secretary. A few days later his wife learns of this this new hire, and so he faces a volley of rapid, suspicious questions. Emma (Kevin's wife): “Does your new secretary have nice legs?" Kevin: “Didn’t quite notice." Emma: "What color are her eyes?" Kevin: “Haven’t had the time to check." Emma: "What are the nail polish colors she uses, metallic, gel or neon?" Kevin: “Not a clue in the world." Emma: "Does she have a local accent?” Kevin: “I barely spoke to her, so don’t know.” Emma: "How does she dress?" Kevin: "Very quickly.”