I've just put vodka in my petrol lawnmower brcause it was cheaper than petrol. Now my grass is half cut.
My mate bet me £10 that I couldn't do a butterfly impression. I thought "that's got to be worth a little flutter."
A mate was going on holiday to Spain and doesn't have that much luck with the ladies and asked what he could do to improve his chances, I said 'when you've got your Speedos on pop a couple of jersey royals into them you'll be amazed at the glances from the ladies and should be onto a winner oh and take a couple of pictures and show me when you're back'.....on returning I said ' well all systems go then'...not really he replied and showed me the pictures I said FFS you where supposed to put them in the front '