Timmy Krul and the Airport

Came into my work today at the airport as he's flying back home for the weekend with a pregnant woman I hope is his girlfriend/fiancee/wife. Very nice guy, I found him everything he wanted and I think he was very happy not to have the usual "ohhhhhhhhhhh my god it's Tim Krul... can I have a picture/autograph" routine. I know people think that's part of the schtick with celebrity, that they are our possessions and must be made to print their name on request or take a photo, but to be honest I just like meeting them and having normal conversation, then loudly shouting about the pleasure of their company on every internet site known to man.

He was freely talking about the fact he had to be back for monday for pre-season training, and he happily handed over his boarding card on request (any of you chaps coming in better present it without question by the way, you know what to expect from my posts if you don't ), although he did seem a bit miffed when I said "hang on one second", but was relieved I just had his receipt waiting. I took it as good that he's not injured for the start of our new season, but he was looking a bit sloppy around the tummy for once, defo some fitness required.

It's just got me thinking, there's a good chance I'll see any summer signings we make pass through, so if people post pics of our targets on this thread, I can keep up to date with faces I might see and be a genuine ITK source! Have to say, there are lines painted outside the airport, so we might not get any players across it...

I would do the research myself, but I work mega-shifts (you know what I mean if you've ever worked a mega-shift)

 

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Jpf... Always wanted to know why you boys need to see my boarding card when I buy a packet of Salt and Vinegar?

 

The management line is that it's;
A) Airport policy
and
B) Because we are constructing marketing data to help tailor our store for the customer.

I'm desperately trying to divine the true reason myself, unconvinced by these rather vague explanations, because the process of transaction actually logs what is sold and the time it's sold, so cross referencing for flights would be simple for such a small airport. My original suspicion was that it's for tax rebate purposes, with the employer able to claim money back for either the domestic flights or international flights, which is certainly supported by the fact shop assistants have to hit a very high target of boarding cards scanned. Not doing so results in potential disciplinary action (so if you fancy doing a good deed for the day, make sure you always present it for the sake of the chappies job!). Why would they make you do such a retarded thing, unless they were getting money somewhere along the way for it?

However, I've learned (through social media) that many airports across the country have done the very same thing, across all stores, and for some it seems a very limited time-span. This actually correlates well with the idea of marketing analysis, especially as most airports have a pretty much nailed on schedule for the same flights at the same times every week. This would leave retailers with plenty of information about what sells best, to who, and allow them to best design their shop. Yet promotions where I work are actually worked out months in advance and change in cycles, which casts doubt about the effectiveness of the data altogether.

Whether it tracks your individual purchasing throughout the airport, I don't know, although I'm informed to reassure that this is not the case. It's supposed to be all about the flight.

Customers who genuinely query the idea behind the survey, I respond with honesty to, and try to explain what I have above. If they don't wish to show the boarding card after that, that's ok.

Customers who are angry, or stressed (ffs you're on holiday, chill the f*** out) and clearly just want to vent, I usually tell one of two things;
A) "It's airport policy... but what do you expect from an airport who's mascot is a flightless bird!" Which usually brings them around and I get the ticket.
B) "I think it's just to irritate you as much as possible". Which actually placates people quite well also, because it comes across as sympathetic even though I'm actually jibing at them... I mean come on, why in the world are you so attached to a piece of f***ing paper you use THREE times otherwise. Once to show for check in, one at security, and once before boarding... Hence you should have the thing on you at all times anyway... Why the fuss for chewing gum, but duty free people understand?

Some people are ridiculously aggressive about the whole affair, however, and have made fellow staff members very upset. These people I will physically make hand over their boarding card or I'll refuse the sale. There's no excuse for treating people doing their job with such consummate disrespect. I don't usually get them, because I probably look like I'll leap across the desk and rip their throat out with one mighty tug from my over-sized man-hands, but others at work get them all the time, especially when they work by themselves.

A far graver concern for me is the flight companies and genuine airport policy of awarding customers with a "light refreshment voucher" when a flight is delayed or cancelled. Last night two shops were open as one plane load of people were awarded these things, and both shops don't accept them. What a f***ing con. If I were the customer I'd be even more angry with that than the delay!

 

Looks a bit overweight and unhealthy to be a footballer, who is he?

 

Which store do you work in then JPF?

Might pay you a visit and have a big public rant about having to show my boarding pass just for a laugh.

 

We couldn't even afford his tax bill.

 

That really annoys me, when you are sitting watching the planes come and go, and then you fancy a drink or a snack. So you nip into Smiths, and they refuse the sale because you left your boarding pass in your hand luggage (unattended).

 

Please turn him down if you see him on a flight from wolves..or direct him to Sunderland

 

Sunderland it is then, to replace Clattermole.

 

He manages the lube and dildo section of Boots. Slipped into the role with ease apparently.

 

it's July 1st.... any sightings?

 

Mickey Owen has just flown into Newcastle in his personal helicopter.

Don't know if it means anything.