Off Topic A friend (Ahem) has a dilemma

Discussion in 'Norwich City' started by General Melchett, Jan 31, 2018.

  1. General Melchett

    General Melchett Well-Known Member

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    But did any of you have a thought process that you had never wanted kids and it was the Mrs biological clock that was forcing the issue? For you guys; Resurgam, Newforest, HMQC and anyone else, who may not have wanted them/had them late, what changed? were you having paternal thoughts? Just went along with it for the wife? The done thing?
    I have to say I haven't had any really, not ones that gave me positive vibes. You get a bit older and you do question these things.....thank god its darling who has this pickle.

    Bah!
     
    #21
  2. JM Fan

    JM Fan Well-Known Member

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    Good point from Darling, as we chose to have our children not long after we were married (some 46 years ago now) and I'm guessing that most who have children also had them when they were both in their 20s/early 30s, but several of my ex-colleagues who were in their 30s/40s, chose to be childless, as they liked the nice home/exotic holidays/not having to get a babysitter when going out etc, etc and I can sympathise with Mr Darling's dilemma and it's one which is going to require much careful thought/discussion between the Darlings
    I hope the Darlings can reach a solution that is agreeable to both parties, as opposed to one having to compromise.
     
    #22
  3. Hairy Mary Quite Canary

    Hairy Mary Quite Canary Well-Known Member

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    Mrs. Hairy was told she would likely never be able to have kids so we weren't really thinking about whether to try or not and I have to say, not particularly fussed one way or another. Then one day (also mid 30s) she was preggers.

    No real decision making had to be made, but as I say, it's worked out brilliantly and I'm glad nature stepped in. Another pal who vehemently didn't want kids all his life changed his mind in his early 40s and has just had his 2nd. Don't be scared, it's actually a rather nice experience being a Dad.
     
    #23
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  4. Resurgam

    Resurgam Top Analyst
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    I didn't get a say in the matter Mon General.
    My missus just told me that she had something to tell me. She gave me the kit stick thin g and said, "You're going to be a dad"
    She was younger than me by 7 years, so her clock wasn't ticking as such.

    A couple of extra points that Capt Darling may like to consider.

    1. He can make sure his name lives on, or at least has the possibility to do so.
    2. He could spend a lot of money in the club shop at Carrow Road. I believe they do a nice line in baby things :)
    3. When old enough, he could take the child to Carrow Road (or maybe you could Mon General if you were asked to be godfather )
     
    #24
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  5. Bravo_Win_or_Die

    Bravo_Win_or_Die Active Member

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    Darling. My wife and I have twins - 1 boy 1 girl. I was 41 at the time (14 years ago), my wife 5 years my junior. It wasn’t a plan, we’d both been busy with careers and 2 ok incomes meant we had some disposable income to enjoy and life was good. We’d discussed kids and my wife was getting, what we considered, normal hormonal urges. By the way she does not like children around her, so is not the maternal type. I was happy enough and content with the way things were. With twins on the way, we talked and decided that she needed to give up working (the finances would not work). When the kids arrived, I suddenly had this overwhelming sense of responsibility and also some resentment that my life was changing really dramatically. As the only breadwinner, I felt trapped in my work. No free time, no sleep, no night out with the boys, no football, wife with post natal depression. We soldiered through the first year and things began to get better. My retired in-laws moved nearer to us and helped out. We offered work experience to a trainee nanny (she works for the stars now and was brilliant).
    When the kids were 5 we took a huge risk and moved to the United States. It changed the financial picture for us, and our lifestyle returned to a more comfortable existence.
    Today, we have a fabulous family and relationship with two teenagers. I’ve brainwashed my son into being a massive Norwich fan. Life is good and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
    Think carefully Darling. It can be rewarding but no doubt you will be faced with many life changing decisions.
     
    #25
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  6. Newforest Yellow

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    Now that is very true - everything changes, even some pubs didn't encourage us to visit in the early days (and I could see why :) ). Now my boys can take me down the pub. One loved football, one hated it; learning to ride a bike - great fun; accidents and illnesses - terrifying. Not much you can plan for at all.
    For us though, I hadn't had much thought about family, but like Darling, the clock for the Mrs was ticking, so it was a case of OK, why not. Tried and had 2 boys, but an unplanned third didn't end so well, as the clock had just about ticked.
    Whatever choice Darling makes, there will be change [ROCK :emoticon-0138-think HARD PLACE].
    Best of luck to him :)
     
    #26
  7. Rich44

    Rich44 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry but 36 is not "old" in modern day terms anything before 40 is generally fine for natural conception.

    I knew someone in a similar situation, both were adamant in their position & the only way to sort it was divorce. She's now happily married with 2 kids.

    I suggest if she feels that strongly about it & he is 110% no kids there's likely only 1 way it'll ended if the marriage survives I imagine there'll be underlying anger forever more.

    If they want to save their relationship & sort this out then they need some couples therapy QUICKLY.

    I have 2 kids & a lifelong horrible illness that leaves me effectively disabled although the kids take up a lot of my time & effort I'd not be without them (& before anyone starts I wasn't ill when the kids were born & I was working fulltime)
     
    #27
  8. DUNCAN DONUTS

    DUNCAN DONUTS SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR

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    Glad you are still posting Rich .
     
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  9. tricky1664

    tricky1664 Active Member

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    Any updates?? I have a surprise little one now 6 months old well he will be on feb 13th I am 46 and would not change him for the world
     
    #29
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  10. goldeneadie

    goldeneadie Well-Known Member

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    Had my first daughter when I was 40 ( she is now a Squadron Leader in the RAF), after years of working overseas. Best thing to happen to me. The great thing is that I had enjoyed many years of freedom and excesses and was basically ready to settle down.
     
    #30

  11. JM Fan

    JM Fan Well-Known Member

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    Ha, I'll ONLY be nearly 70 that day and my 'young adults' will be 46 and 44 this year.
    I do think it's a VERY personal choice as to when you start a family.
    My daughter was 32 when she had her first.
     
    #31
  12. General Melchett

    General Melchett Well-Known Member

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    Darling and his feisty female did have a go, a missed miscarriage later they are trying again. Horrid but common enough thing to happen it seems.

    Bah!
     
    #32
  13. Forgot_My_Lines

    Forgot_My_Lines Well-Known Member

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    Ah sh*t. Really so sorry to hear that. Best wishes.
     
    #33
  14. General Melchett

    General Melchett Well-Known Member

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    Twas raw when it occurred, but that was way back in July. Only just started trying again. Darling of course appreciates your kind sentiment.

    Bah!
     
    #34
  15. tricky1664

    tricky1664 Active Member

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    Best of luck all goes well this time
     
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  16. Forgot_My_Lines

    Forgot_My_Lines Well-Known Member

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    Wish you all the best mate. Sorry you both had to go through that.
     
    #36
  17. General Melchett

    General Melchett Well-Known Member

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    So, time for an update. Darling Ahem! and Mrs Darling are now expecting with a due date 26th March. 1 more Canary for the big wide world. Mrs Darling apparently doesn't view: Huckerby, Holt, Farke, Drinkall or Crook as viable Christian name options, especially as it's to be a girl! And no Delia is not on the table either!

    Bah!
     
    #37
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  18. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

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    Daniella????
     
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  19. Hairy Mary Quite Canary

    Hairy Mary Quite Canary Well-Known Member

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    Congratulations to Darling and Mrs Darling. All the best in the coming weeks. Looking forward to hearing about Pukkina's safe arrival in March
     
    #39
  20. General Melchett

    General Melchett Well-Known Member

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    I like it, I'll run that past Darling tonight!

    Bah!
     
    #40

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