Brian Lenihan interview

cityhttps://www.theguardian.com/football/blog/2018/oct/14/brian-lenihan-football-mental-health-hull-city

 

Poor bugger

Hopefully speaking about it is helping him as well as others

 

Let's hope so.

 

It's quite frightening to think that even his team mates didn't realise something was wrong. He really comes out with a lot of credit for speaking openly about it. I wish him the very best of luck in the future.

 

People generally are too busy or consumed with their own problems to notice how others are coping and men are very good at hiding their feelings, so hardly that surprising that cases like this are not picked up. Afraid I don’t know the answer but think social media also adds to mental pressures and it’s difficult to even see people face to face to assess their true state for many.
Let’s hope the message gets out that it’s ok to seek help before it’s too late.

 

As a still working psychiatric nurse for over 40 years, some progress has been made regarding the stigma of mental illness,but it still has a way to go.
With regard depression I still come across with the attitude like in the old days pull your socks up.
It is hard sometimes to pick up signs when a person doesn’t give much away, but it is okay every so often check on a person
Friends,family are valuable ,trust them.

 

I have a lot of respect for the man to be able to seek help and to give up a career many dream of for the sake of his health. I hope he has a happy future.

It doesn’t surprise me that people didn’t notice. I managed to spend an afternoon at work in an open plan office 4 feet away from a colleague with tears running down my face on Friday. Nobody had a clue (or at least didn’t make it known they’d noticed). I also punched myself in the jaw hard enough to give myself a headache (that was out of sight of people though, I’d be worried if that wasn’t noticed at my desk!).

At times fairly recently I’ve thought that maybe the best thing I can give my wife is my life insurance pay out.

I’ve had dark thoughts. Days under a mental storm cloud. Mainly because of work. I think I’m probably autistic. My brain doesn’t work like most people’s. At times I love that and it helps me understand things much quicker than others, other times I ****ing hate my brain. Usually it’s the latter. My brain is a dick and I wish it would stop been ****. It causes me to have pretty bad social anxiety. I can’t handle being around people. I’ve worked in the same place for five years and haven’t had a proper conversation yet. Most days see me speak only a few words and all of them are about work. I’m **** scared of the phone. I recently got a fitbit, after taking a phone call my heart rate had risen 40%. So working in an office is probably the worst thing I could do, but it’s apparently all I can do. I was almost happy being a postman when I was at uni. They won’t take me back though, probably because I have a degree and they assume I wouldn’t stay there. So my days are spent stressed, scared and full of dark thoughts at work. My evenings are spent coming down from that. My weekends are spent dreading Monday. I’ve been waiting 6 months for an appointment for an adult autism diagnosis. I may not bother though because what’s the point really? Yes it my make me feel slightly better. That I’m not just a weird freak, that I have an actual thing that makes me different. What would it change though. I thought that maybe once I have a diagnosis I could take it to work (in reality get my wife to!) and say I have this so can we adjust my work to help me cope. I even made a list of the things I can’t do that I’d need help with. Then I realised the list was basically my job description. If anybody knows of any jobs that require no interaction with people please let me know!

I have a decent job, in a decent place for decent money. I shouldn’t complain, but I really can’t handle it and it scares me that one day it may be the death of me.


I am so lucky that I found my wife. Nobody has ever got me like she does. She is the only person I have ever instantly been able to talk to. Without her I have almost no doubt I wouldn’t be here to write this.

I don’t really know why I wrote this. I should probably get back to work.

 

Sounds like you owe it to yourself to take some action. It won't go away, and being miserable doesn't have to be a sentence. If you could start by talking to your wife or see if there's any counselling at work available.

 

We can be quite robotic on our ways. That is the rat race we live in. I don't think most more give life itself a lot of thought. Those who think a little deeper or as you say differently, can ( I imagine ) be left with no parameters that the the rest of us have to guide ( or is it control ) our lives. You write your story Well, I' m glad you have a good lady who gets you. Good luck and as previously posted, don't be put off getting some counselling.

 

Thanks.

I'm trying. I'm doing a college course in the hope I can set up a little animal related business which will minimise human interaction and maximise dog interaction.

I've tried counselling a few times. It doesn't work for me. Essentially it was talking about not being able to talk which didn't work. CBT methods worked at first but then I just overthought my overthinking.

When I first went to the doctor and said 'I think I have social anxiety' he said 'do you have trouble maintaining an erection?’ Turned out he thought I said sexual anxiety. I wanted the ground to swallow me.

I can and do talk to my wife. She is what keeps me sane.

 

That's a very sad story and it sounds like you do need help. As good as the NHS can be you shouldn't be waiting 6 months for an appointment. I know private treatment is expensive but you really should consider it, even if only to see a counsellor for a couple of sessions.

Good luck.

 

I think there is a long way to go in the UK with regard to mental illness. Has to start from the top and governments of all persuasions need to do more and recognise just how many people are affected.

 

I agree

 

TreeHugger, its OK to not be OK and its OK to be introverted in an office environment, what the louder gobshite ego's don't realise is not everyone likes extroverts, as Morrissey said shyness is nice. Try some of the meditation apps like headspace etc. You are not alone mate.

 

He's not waiting for therapy but a diagnosis of Autism, if so neither counselling or CBT are likely to work and his previous experiences state this. A diagnosis will hopefully help with his own and others understanding, as well as legally employers making reasonable adjustments. Locally the charity Matthews Hub may be able to help.

 

I think sometimes people struggle to differentiate between just feeling a bit stressed and generally down and the more serious stuff and that's why they don't ask for help until it's too late . I'm a worrier , I worry about money , constantly worried I'm going to get cancer , and darker stuff about my family dying etc . and it often stops me sleeping at night . But in my mind that's just normal life stuff and I don't think I'm on a dark path , hope not anyway , but I can see why people who are struggling might not want to speak up as they are worried about sounding trivial.

 

Features Hull City of course and also contains a serious message, watch till the end for the serious stuff. Helpline info etc.

 

What you are going through sounds horrific....if you ever want to talk things through with someone you’ve never met.... feel free to drop me a PM

 

I wholeheartedly commend you for writing this post. It also helped me look at myself a bit.

I love chatting and I am the loud mouth (Gob ****e if you want) and I run the company but if you asked me if someone at work had cried at work on my floor I wouldn't know and I wouldn't have noticed. I just assume they all like chatting and my random **** that I talk about. I think I'm a great boss but I'm not as everything you mentioned I wouldn't notice in one of my employees. Which is heartbreaking as I would do anything to help them, whatever it cost us as money isn't important to me. But I can guarantee I would be the last person they would talk too.

It's such an eye opener and i am so glad you where able to write this. I hope you get the help you deserve.

 

It is difficult for men especially to find the words . How many times we say how's it going mate, you ok? And we expect one answer back , yeah not bad .. I asked my boss the other day , and when I said you alright,? , he said no . It was the first time in 30 odd years and the 20,000 time I have said the words you alright and somebody said no , it completely threw me , I wasn't prepared for that conversation to to go any further . In the end I tried talking to him as I know he's having marital problems , but he shut it down and said it was private . I have tried a few more times and he doesn't want to talk , but my point is, we ask the question are you alright , but for how many of us do we really care? Or is it just something to say , maybe we should actually mean it when we ask , because I know I do for people now