Off Topic Coronavirus - 606 tales from the Inquiry

Yeah fingers crossed on both counts , I do hope he knows we appreciated his updates , I preferred reading his accounts rather than the official news apps!

 

Sorry guys, yes I'm OK.
Am knackered though. Work is a grind right now but at least I've still got a job.
Will be back at the weeksnd...

 

Good to see you back mate.

 

Are you still on part work from home?

 

No, back at the factory 4 days of the week now.
Half the staff still furloughed, so loads of stuff to do for those of us who are there.
I can't complain really - looks like we might have held on to nearly all our customers.

But everything is more of a slog now. Very little relaxation or pleasure to be taken.
It's all a bit grim and relentless.

 

French President Macron flies into the UK today.

14 day quarantine? One rule for them...

 

Note to Dominic Raab;
It's "take the knee" Dominic. Not "bend the knee"

This Government seems to have a Dominic problem.

EDIT:
Forgive me, I realise this doesn't really belong in the Coronavirus thread.
But I can't move it really now.

 

@Smudger603 takes the knee

 

I find myself on my knees quite often , normally Talking through the letterbox asking to be let in

 

There is a follow up joke there..........

 

It’s no joke having to breath through the letterbox to prove I haven’t had a drink

 

My follow up is gutter level

 

That's not too bad, as long as it's your house...

 

There's going to be a Mastermind 'Devolution' special edition at the weekend;
Specialist subject - what are the lockdown rules now?

• In England you can go shopping as long as there's an R in the day and your index finger is longer than your third finger.
• In Scotland you can meet up with 2 other households as long as you don't expect tea or other related hospitality.
• In Wales you can only travel 5 miles in any direction before getting lost, because Sat Navs cause Covid.
• In Northern Ireland pretty much anything goes as long as you wash your hands afterwards.

Or something like that.
It changes every 48 hours or so.

 

Shared

This coronavirus is the strangest virus I've ever heard of. It's very dangerous the way it spreads.
It is so mysterious the way it lurks in schools, but then dies at Home Bargains.
It can wreak havoc in pubs and restaurants! Although it’s mind-boggling how it vanishes at the beach or in the park. Yet, standing to watch a marathon or at a gig or festival triggers its wrath.
It is sneaky. It can spread when buying clothes at Primark but not at Tesco or Asda.
It is non-alcoholic. It can't spread when you are buying beer.
It lives for 24 hours on Amazon boxes, you must wait 24 hours to touch them but it can't survive on takeaway coffee cups, so enjoying a hot latte is safe.
It is the most curious thing, how it lives on footballs, tennis rackets and ballet bars, but dies on shopping trolleys and food.
It is spread by hair stylists, dog groomers, and dentists, but not by bank machines, cashiers, and fast food workers.
It's very smart. It won’t bother the first 6 people that get together but it knows when the 7th person shows up - so be careful if that’s you.
It even knows what you want vs what you need. If you want a massage or your nails done it is very actively on the prowl and not even a mask can stop it. If you need a plumber, it is weak, and a mask will keep it away.
It also seems to be most dangerous after 5:30pm so businesses must start to close before the virus comes out and wreaks havoc upon the population.
Whoever heard of such a smart sneaky virus?!?

 

The latest rumour seems to be the 2 metre social distancing rule will go in England on July 4th.

That should mean an end to supermarket queues, though the supermarkets will become a lot more crowded, so try to go at less busy times (usually in the evenings) if you wish to stay safe. Maybe the Government will make face coverings compulsory in supermarkets and shops, in an effort to compensate.

Crowded tubes & buses will also return, if they haven't already.
And it will mean many pubs, cafe's and restaurants will be able to open, and most children can return to school in September.

Now that the NHS is safe, saving the economy comes before saving lives.
So back to work everybody, and get spending

 

It would not surprise me if the distancing is squashed.
I had heard that the distancing could become 1mtr but that would be pointless in my opinion. The 2mtr distancing should remain.

 

It's 1984

When pubs re-open we are going to have to give our name and contact details before being let in.
Looks like one victim of Coronavirus is civil liberty.

Welcome to the Surveillance State
I'm not usually a great one for conspiracy theories, but if you believe they aren't going to track your movements through your smartphone then you're a very trusting person.

 

Small update from Spain. We currently have ten small outbreaks, one of which has dragged the town of Huesca back into lock down, as well as Lleida here in Catalunya.
The state of emergency ended saturday, so a worryingly quick warning. A lot of people are very lax about masks, but sadly, the worry is Covid-19 is still here, we unlocked asap and this is the result.

 

Think we’re doing the same Ken - money over lives I’m afraid