Fug Me, It’s A Funny Old World Pals!

Discussion in 'Cardiff City' started by Masky, Mar 18, 2020.

  1. Masky

    Masky Well-Known Member

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    :emoticon-0103-cool: Last night Masky went to the Tesco to buy a bag of food for his dog.
    Already in line, a woman behind him asked hi if he had a dog...WTF?
    Masky stared at her (those who know him will imagine his gaze) ...but then why would he be buying dog food...right?
    So on impulse he told her no, that he didn’t have a dog, that he was starting the dog food diet again, and that he probably shouldn't because he ended up in the hospital the last time, but he did weigh 4 kilos less!
    Masky went on telling her that it was the perfect diet and that all you had to do is carry a few biscuits in your pocket and eat one or two every time you feel hungry
    Frightened, the woman asks Masky if he ended up in the hospital because the dog food had poisoned him?Masky answered...of course not!
    Masky said he was admitted because he bent down to sniff the bum of a German Shepherd and he was hit by a fugging truck! Wham! :emoticon-0103-cool::emoticon-0103-cool:
     
    #1
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  2. BluefromBridgend

    BluefromBridgend Well-Known Member

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    Masky is such a naughty boy. :emoticon-0140-rofl:
     
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  3. Masky

    Masky Well-Known Member

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    Masky is determined not to let the pressures of the times get him down. I had a bad time recently thinking about our lack of a centre forward goal scorer, but hey...over that now! Thinking about Peter Whittingham and hopefully his recovery.! :emoticon-0103-cool::emoticon-0103-cool:
     
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  4. clingo

    clingo Well-Known Member

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    Goodness me. Masky, I've told you time after time, that's not what is meant by "dogging".
     
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  5. Masky

    Masky Well-Known Member

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    Clingo pal, Minxy says hi! Man she’s soooooooooooo good! :emoticon-0103-cool::emoticon-0103-cool:
     
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  6. clingo

    clingo Well-Known Member

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    Oh. You're such a dreamer. Nothing wrong with that mate.:smiley:
     
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  7. Masky

    Masky Well-Known Member

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    Desperate...Masky reduced to wiping his bum with lettuce leaves now....how this mighty man has fallen....fear it’s just the tip of the iceberg though! :emoticon-0103-cool::emoticon-0103-cool:
     
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  8. Oldsparkey

    Oldsparkey Well-Known Member
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    If you were a keen advocate of recycling, you could have a nice salad tonight. <ok>
     
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  9. clingo

    clingo Well-Known Member

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    I love stuffed advocate
     
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  10. ccfcremotesupport

    ccfcremotesupport Well-Known Member

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    Depends on where you stuff it.
     
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  11. Masky

    Masky Well-Known Member

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    Hmmmm....decisions, decisions....Masky is wondering what to wear on the couch tonight pals! :emoticon-0103-cool::emoticon-0103-cool:
     
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  12. BluefromBridgend

    BluefromBridgend Well-Known Member

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    Cover yourself in sticky tape? Show off your best features.
     
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  13. Oldsparkey

    Oldsparkey Well-Known Member
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    I just need to pass on some timely advice to masky and the rest of you. Apparently a new symptom has been identified of this bloody virus infection, and that's the complete loss of the sense of smell. This is a genuine finding of research from France I believe and not a wind up.

    So if you fart and can't smell it, you might have a problem. Self isolate and blame the dog if others aren't affected. <ok>
     
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  14. BluefromBridgend

    BluefromBridgend Well-Known Member

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    Not got a dog. <yikes>

    Unfortunately cats are not prolific farters.

    Cats are sneaky f**kers.
     
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  15. Oldsparkey

    Oldsparkey Well-Known Member
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    Get one if only for the blame offset. <ok>

    You may recall Bluey I used to have a cat - went by the name of Pandy. Gone now alas, but he had a tin under the stairs and hated the K'Archer. <yikes>

    Can't say I ever remember him farting but then again when he saw the K-Archer he usually shat himself and didn't hang around........<laugh>
     
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  16. BluefromBridgend

    BluefromBridgend Well-Known Member

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    Remember him well Sparks. I always looked forward to Tales from the Pandybank. A sorely missed character.

    Mine, well my daughter's really, but pets weren't allowed in the flat she moved into so we took him on. Mostly a solitary little man who loves looking down on the world from a great height. Top of the kitchen cupboards, tops of doors, top of the cooker hood or even the top of the stairs.

    We live close to the east end of Parc Slip and he has decimated the area of wildlife, usually deposited outside our back door for our delictation as we are such sh1t hunters.

    However we were away for 2 weeks over Christmas and he went on his holibobs to the cattery.

    We had a new lawn laid last year and when we got home after Christmas found a series of regular sized holes, about an inch in diameter, on the top edge of our lawn. No our neighbours hadn't used a ladder or kitchen stool on our side of the fence.

    After research we determined we had an infestation of field voles who were tunneling under the lawn and feeding on grass roots. In 2 1/2 months the ungrateful little sod has only caught one of them.

    I was told they don't like the taste or smell of strong coffee so have wasted numerous cups of hot, strong coffee down the holes and my neighbour has given me a plentiful supply of used espresso capsules which I have cut up and pushed down the holes after the strong coffee, then filling the holes with topsoil.

    And still the little tw*t survives (the vole not the cat). He is probably now a caffeine addict running around his underground network all day and night, unable to sleep.

    Sorry to have rambled from Pandy to daughter to cat to vole, but short of sitting out at night with a hunting lamp and cocked shotgun does anyone have an alternative remedy for getting rid of the little fu**er (vole not cat) before I start spending money on sprucing up the lawn for summer.

    If nothing else this will have been a cure for my readers' insomnia.

    I thank you.
     
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  17. Oldsparkey

    Oldsparkey Well-Known Member
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    Very good Bluey - enjoyed that......<ok><laugh>

    I'll have a think about your problem, but if it's anything to do with holes, Masky might be your man. <ok>
     
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  18. BluefromBridgend

    BluefromBridgend Well-Known Member

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    He says he's good filling them. Couldn't be doing with him lying face down, ar$e up on my lawn for the next 3 months. <yikes>
     
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  19. Masky

    Masky Well-Known Member

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    Masky never been a farter, no, me and the Queen! :emoticon-0103-cool::emoticon-0103-cool:
     
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  20. BluefromBridgend

    BluefromBridgend Well-Known Member

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    Go on Masky, you must have done SBD's at least.

    I know the Queen does them. Philip does them in bed, and pulls the quilt over Liz's head.

    The Queen Mother just let them rip wherever she was. Didn't care. In fact she didn't know for her last 10 years.

    I went to the Cheltenham Festival once. Day of the Queen Mother Champion Hurdle.

    I was most disappointed when she didn't take part. Well she was jockey size.
     
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