Good to have a laugh

Brian this one's for you mate....
I know how much you like cheese well this might make you laugh. I was looking forward to dinner late afternoon today then I got a phone call from my daughter she asked if I could look after my 2 grandaughters for a couple of hours obviously I said yes .my mrs made a nice chicken dinner with roast spuds and vegetables before I went round my daughters I said do me a favour I fancy cheese sauce rather than gravy over my vegetables. After a couple of hours I returned home er indoors served up my dinner after a couple of fork fulls I detected a weird taste in the cheese sauce so I said to her this tastes different to the usual cheese sauce you make what's in it she replied Yeh I thought I would try something different and used the full fat milk in the fridge to make the cheese sauce with it then dawned on me I had made up a banana milk shake in the morning and left it in the fridge and that was what was all over my dinner. Brought back memories of watching del boys only fools and horses when grandad made coffee instead of gravy .ruined my Sunday dinner I just sat there laughing about it .people always say I have a great sense of humour

 

Sounds disgusting.

 

It was had to wash it down with a few stellas to get rid of the taste.on another note I'm surprised we don't have a comedy thread or something along those lines on here

 

Sounds like your wife is a fan of Heston Blumenthal

 

You can always put one up.

Or this can be it.

 

My mum, who has always been a complete loony and a terrible, terrible cook, would substitute ingredients if she didn't have what she needed. I will forever remember spaghetti bolognaise made with celery instead of onion. I won't remember it fondly but I will remember it to the day I die.

Also, I have had cauliflower cheese made with mayonnaise instead of cheese sauce. I can't recommend it. Apparently, it's the same colour - so that's alright, a bit like banana yoghurt. The same thing goes for strawberry jam instead of redcurrant jelly with turkey at Christmas. Salt and sugar were freely interchangeable and dinners were regularly consigned to the bin. I'm sure my dad left to get something decent to eat. I learned to cook.

 

love it

 

We do. It's just all about West Ham.

 

Perfect answer if you ask me

 

She'd get on splendidly with mine then. I'll never forget the time she got two pages of the cookbook stuck together and, completely oblivious to the fact that the soup recipe had turned into one for fruit compot, ploughed onwards regardless.

Suffice it to say the experience of a beef tomato minestrone with mango and raspberry puree is one of the main reasons I'm such a miserable git today

Fortunately I managed to marry someone who is like Gareth Bale circa 2012 in the kitchen: quick, precise and every single shot is a winner.

Elsewhere in the house she reminds me more of Fazio - slow and predictable - but that's a tale for another time Can't have both, my father once warned me. Poor sod had neither.

 

There are a lot of stories about how mad my mother is......

Going back 14 years, me and Mrs B had the pleasure of her staying with us for 9 weeks, 1 day and 2 hours [Mrs B as time keeper]. During her stay, a rogue pair of women's knickers were found in the family washing. They were a size 8. Mrs B is a 10/12, my mother is about a size 16. As you can all imagine, I am now in serious, marriage threatening trouble. Mrs B was 6 months pregnant with our youngest and certain accusations were made regarding the ownership of the garment and exactly who that owner was. I suggested they must belong to my mother.........somehow. Even knowing her, I had some doubt but it kind of felt right.

Despite despeRately not wanting to do so, I had to ask her or risk Mrs B heading off into the sunset. So, I asked.........

"Mother,...........[I call her Mother because when I was 13, she asked me not to call her 'Mum' any more. When I asked her..."What should I call you instead?", she said "Muriel". Muriel isn't her name, so I settled on 'Mother' as an acceptable alternative]........"Mother, are these [holds out underwear] yours?"

She snatched them out of my hand......"Yes".

"Aren't' they a little.......[gulp]........small?"

She went on to tell me how she didn't like the thought of anyone watching her buy underwear [a minor phobia amongst the many], so she'd wait until the M & S Lingerie section was deserted, whereupon she would grab the nearest packet, irrespective of size, and make for the till.

You may wonder how she got over the assistant charging her for them? If so, you ask her. I'm done with the whole thing.

I told Mrs B. She immediately believed the whole ridiculous explanation and apologised to me over the whole sordid affair. Mother/Muriel never apologises....for anything......ever.......EVER.

 

Did you get them back to your bit on the side later though?

 

That was an earlier wife - Mk I. This is Wife Mk III and I'm through with that kind of thing.

 

Better?

 

Are you Dr S, my GP?

 

Dr Spurofthemoment?

 

He's Sri Lankan so his name's about the same length as that. Actually, it's longer.

Nicest man in the world. He's been my GP for 25+ years, When I told him that I was moving, about 6 years ago, but I wanted to stay with his practice he told me it wasn't allowed.....but as he was the boss, no problem. I'm screwed if he ever retiires.