Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A little boy, Johnny, blows up his balloon and starts
    flicking it all around the house with his
    finger. His mother tells him to stop it as
    he's liable to break something. The boy
    continues.

    "Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off.
    You're going to break something".

    He stops and eventually Mom leaves for
    a short trip to the shopping center.

    Johnny starts up with the balloon again.
    He gives it one last flick and it lands in the
    toilet where he leaves it. Mom comes in
    and while putting away the grocery gets
    the urge. A diarrhoea run. She can hardly
    make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH,
    out it comes.

    When she's finished, she looks down and
    can't believe what she's seeing. She's not
    sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet !
    She calls her doctor.

    The doctor is baffled as she describes the
    situation, but he assures her he'll be over
    shortly to examine everything.

    When he arrives she leads him to the bath
    room and he gets down on his knees and
    takes a long, hard look at the thing.
    Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of
    touches it to see what it might be and POP!
    The balloon explodes and **** is everywhere.
    On him, the walls, etc.

    "Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.
    He says, "I've been in this business for over
    30 years, and this is the first time I've ever
    actually seen a fart !"
     
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  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    feel free to add a joke

    i need some new ones
     
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  3. QPR Oslo

    QPR Oslo Well-Known Member

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    Yeh you do Kiwi! But I had a good laugh anyway:laugh:!!
     
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  4. QPR999

    QPR999 Well-Known Member
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    At last Whitney can now talk to Frank!
     
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  5. seahoop

    seahoop Well-Known Member

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    fulham f.c.
     
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  6. KooPeeArr

    KooPeeArr Well-Known Member

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    Lol.


    What's 6in long and didn't get sucked on Valentine's night?

    Whitney's crack pipe.
     
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  7. Ninj

    Ninj Well-Known Member

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    Bobby Brown has been found dead in a bath. apparently two can play that game.....
     
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  8. Dave Thomas

    Dave Thomas Active Member

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    Asked the girlfriend last night for Oral Relief.

    "Do you want to me to suck you off" she asked

    " No please just shut the **** up".


    A Catholic Priest has hailed one of his Alter Boys for saving his life...

    The 12 year old apparently found a lump on his testicles
     
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  9. QPR New York

    QPR New York Active Member

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    After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life,
    an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin .
    In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.

    Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring
    back at him. 'How 'bout that!' he exclaims, 'Here's a picture of me Fadder.'

    He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on
    the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in
    the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishin', he would go there
    and look at it.

    His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the shed.
    So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found
    the mirror

    As she looked into the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly bitch
    he's runnin' around with.'
     
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  10. Dave Thomas

    Dave Thomas Active Member

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    Rose Pucksy ... my Gypsy fortune teller was alarmed to find her two inbred daughters playing with each other's front bottoms... Good news however as they found their Dad's wedding ring and Uncle Moses's pick up keys
     
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  11. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    I've applied for the vacant England manager's position. I won't get it, but had to show willing or they'd cut my benefits.

    My mate Dave has had worse luck, though. He applied for the vacant Wolves manager's position for the same reason, but now he's been called to attend an interview.
     
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  12. GoMadgeGo

    GoMadgeGo Member

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    What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

    Wiped his arse.
     
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  13. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    My wife sent me out to buy something that would make her look sexy.

    I don't think she was too impressed when I came home with two crates of beer.
     
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  14. superdoopahoopsa

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    New research suggests that men who are too nice on Valentine's day and buy their women too many gifts, makes the women suspect that they are cheating. So your instincts were right, you can't win
     
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  15. Shawswood

    Shawswood Well-Known Member

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    My wife called me last week and said 'Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentine's day; they're absolutely gorgeous!'

    I said 'That's probably why they've received flowers then.'
     
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  16. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    Knock, knock!

    Knock, knock!

    Knock, knock!

    Knock, knock!

    Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock!

    Stop messing about, Whitney, I'm desperate for a ****!
     
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  17. Shawswood

    Shawswood Well-Known Member

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    In memory of the late great Frank Carson,

    'My brother has a very unusual job; he finds things before other people realize they've lost them'
     
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  18. qpr1954

    qpr1954 Member

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    Quasimodo is lying covered in blood at the bottom of the Notre Dame, he looks up to see Esmerelda looking down at him, he shouts to her " This is not what I meant when I said toss me off"
     
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  19. MKRanger71

    MKRanger71 Active Member

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    I asked the missus to toss me off last night, she got her keyring out and started rubbing up and down my shaft, typical I thought, fobbing me off again
     
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  20. hammersmith hoopton

    hammersmith hoopton Active Member

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    I'm not saying my missus is a tart,but even the label in her knickers says Next!
     
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