I hear the black woman that played the communications officer in Star Trek once fellated Captain Kirk on the bridge of the Enterprise... Ahura? Uhuru? Uhura? Yes, just like that, but she swallowed.
"Apparently, one of our defenders turned up for training wearing a jacket made entirely out of sliced meat." "Hämäläinen?" "No, streaky bacon lining."
"Our midfielder just won't let anyone else play on the x-box" "Luongo?" "Three hours without a break..."
"Our former captain has been taking liberties with a female referee." "Roeder?" "No, just grabbed her arse..."
"I've just seen an ex-midfielder walk out of the local swimming pool, fully dressed and soaking wet." "Faurlin?" "No, he said he was pushed..."
"That new disco on the top floor is terrible" "What - too many steps?" "You're telling me. Tragedy 14 bloody times!"
"One of our legendary former goalkeepers has just bought seven van loads of climbing frames, slides, roundabouts and swings." "Phil Parkes?" "No, Peter Hucker."
The bloke in our fish and chip shop has just tried to con me with a cheaper type of cod. " Pollocks " That's what I said to him.
Just got back from Mexico, got caught up in the earthquake, it went on for ages Aftershocks? People died you hard hearted bastard.
We had some flowers in our garden this year that grew to about 6ft tall Hollyhocks? No need to be like that
the young today arent taught about the big hand and the little hand digital clocks that'l be the reason
A man walks into a bar with a new iPhone X. The barman asks "why the long face?" The man replies "password complexity requirements..."