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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #7341
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 12, 2019
    Makemstine Roger and kiwiqpr like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #7342
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 12, 2019
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #7343
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 12, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, QPRski, Number 1 Jasper and 1 other person like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The missus wanted me to take her to Vegas to see The Temptations...

    I ended up taking her to Primark and got her Four Tops instead....!!!
     
    #7344
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 12, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, QPRski, Number 1 Jasper and 2 others like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #7345
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 12, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr and Hoop-Leif like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #7346
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 12, 2019
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  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #7347
    kiwiqpr, Sep 14, 2019
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  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #7348
    kiwiqpr, Sep 14, 2019
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  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #7349
    kiwiqpr, Sep 14, 2019
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  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #7350
    kiwiqpr, Sep 14, 2019
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  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #7351
    kiwiqpr, Sep 14, 2019
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  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #7352
    kiwiqpr, Sep 14, 2019
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  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #7353
    kiwiqpr, Sep 14, 2019
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  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A guy goes to the doctor and says: 'Doctor, I'm
    getting married next week, but I have had unprotected sex
    a couple of times lately. Before our marriage, I'd
    like to know if I have an STD; could you do a test for me?'
    'Sure', the doctor says, 'but the result
    of such a test takes 3 weeks, so it will not be in time for your
    marriage'
    'Oh dear', the guy says, 'What should I do?'
    'Well, the doctor replies, 'Perhaps I know something.
    You go to the meadows just outside the city, and wait till
    the sheep have gathered around you. Then you drop your pants
    and wait to see what happens... If the sheep just smell your dick
    and walk away, there is a problem. However, if they take
    your dick in their mouths and start sucking it, you're
    OK!'
    After a few weeks the doctor runs into the guy. 'And...',
    he asks, 'can I congratulate you on your marriage?'
    'No', the guy says, 'I've become a shepherd!'
     
    #7354
    kiwiqpr, Sep 14, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, QPRski and Wooperts_duck like this.
  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    UK politician Boris Johnson has promised to lie in front of bulldozers clearing a path for the 3rd Heathrow runway.
    This should be no problem for him as he has already had plenty of practice lying in front of a bus!
     
    #7355
    kiwiqpr, Sep 14, 2019
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  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" she asks.

    "I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband.

    The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!"

    The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten Bitch", she screams. "My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"
     
    #7356
    kiwiqpr, Sep 14, 2019
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  17. Number 1 Jasper

    Number 1 Jasper Well-Known Member

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    Top tip for Ladies .

    Ladies -

    When going on a night out

    Putting a Spoonful of Popping Candy in the Gusset of your Knickers , will act as an audible warning that you've pissed yourself .    ​
     
    #7357
    Number 1 Jasper, Sep 14, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Sorry Kiwi, I can't open any of your posts from 7347 to 7353 !!
     
    #7358
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 14, 2019
    Makemstine Roger and kiwiqpr like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    MAN: “Hello”
    WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
    MAN: “Yes”
    WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it okay if I buy it?”
    MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.
    WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2019 models. I saw one I really liked."
    MAN: “How much?
    WOMAN: “$85,000."
    MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.
    “WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”
    MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000.
    WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!
    MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”
    The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
    Then he smiles and asks: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
     
    #7359
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 14, 2019
    Makemstine Roger and kiwiqpr like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #7360
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 14, 2019
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