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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An Irish Priest transferred to Texas:
    Father O’Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish.
    He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
    He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
    He promptly called the local police station.
    The conversation went like this:
    “Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?”
    “And the best of the day to yerself. This is Father O’Malley at St. Ann’s Catholic Church. There’s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple of’yer lads to take care of the matter?”
    Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied,
    “Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!”
    There was dead silence on the line for a long moment…
    Father O’Malley then replied, “Aye, ’tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.”
     
    #9461
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Just been to Tesco and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas.

    I can't believe the currant exchange rate.
     
    #9462
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9463
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  4. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9465
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9466
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9467
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Whilst driving through Yorkshire......

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    #9468
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My flight back from Gibraltar to Glasgow has just been cancelled.

    Now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
     
    #9469
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife ran off with the milkman this morning.

    Watching them drive away on his milk float was the worst two hours of my life.
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    #9470
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9471
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9472
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9473
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  14. QPRski

    QPRski Well-Known Member

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    upload_2020-6-6_8-15-51.jpeg
     

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    #9474
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I took on a new painter & decorator the other day. We were having a chat and he told me he is a furloughed Virgin Atlantic pilot !

    He made a lovely job of the landing .
     
    #9475
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  17. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9478
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Mr Singh walks into a bank London and asks for the loan officer. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so Mr Singh hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million pounds.
    “The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says Mr Singh, “and I have all the necessary papers.”
    The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. After Mr Singh leaves, the loan officer, the bank's president and all their colleagues enjoy a good laugh at the man for using a £250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral against a £5,000 loan.
    One of the employees drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, Mr Singh returns, repays the £5000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41.
    The loan officer says, "Sir, I must tell you, we’re all a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and discovered that you’re a multimillionaire. Why would you bother to borrow £5,000?"
    The man replies, "Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41?"
     
    #9479
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The Moody Blues are doing a brief tour of Wales..........4 nights in Prestatyn, but never reaching Bridgend.....
     
    #9480
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