1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

Page 498 of 839
  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    I went to a conference on Alopecia last week, where I told an inappropriate joke.

    Luckily, it didn’t raise any eyebrows.
     
    #9941
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2020
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9942
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and GroveRanger like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”
    Bob’s wife, a stunning blonde, goes out and moves her car.
    A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”
    Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car again.
    The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park…” then the electric power goes out.
    Bob’s wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face, she says, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplow can get through?”
    With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time....?”
     
    #9943
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and Uber_Hoop like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9944
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and Uber_Hoop like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9945
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and Uber_Hoop like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9946
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 7, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Uber_Hoop and QPRski like this.
  7. Paulpowersleftfoot

    Paulpowersleftfoot Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    4,415
    Likes Received:
    2,711
    Plane crashes and a bloke ends up washing up on a desert island with a pig and a dog. After a few days hes gets horny and decides to try and mount the pig. As he goes to take down his trousers the dog starts to get aggressive towards him so he thinks **** it and pulls his pants back up. A few more days pass and he gets even more horny and tries to give the pig another go but the dog gets aggressive again. A fews weeks pass and the bloke looks into the ocean and sees a woman screaming for help, he swims out and brings ger to safety. She says to him ‘how can i repay you, ill do anything, anything at all you name it ill do it’ he replies.. ‘you couldnt take that ****ing dog for a walk for 10 minutes could ya’
     
    #9947
    Paulpowersleftfoot, Aug 8, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Wooperts_duck and 2 others like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9948
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 8, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and Uber_Hoop like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9949
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 8, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and Uber_Hoop like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9950
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 8, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and Uber_Hoop like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    60 yrs ago 20 white men chasing a black man was called the Ku-Klux-klan.

    Today we call it Formula 1.
     
    #9951
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 8, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and Uber_Hoop like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9952
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 8, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and Uber_Hoop like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9953
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 8, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and Uber_Hoop like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9954
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 9, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and Uber_Hoop like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9955
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 9, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and Uber_Hoop like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    I think my wife's starting to get dementia.

    She just said she doesn't remember what she ever saw in me.
     
    #9956
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 9, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, QPRski and Uber_Hoop like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    I haven't spoken to my wife in years.

    I didn't want to interrupt her.
     
    #9957
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 9, 2020
    Makemstine Roger and Uber_Hoop like this.
  18. GroveRanger

    GroveRanger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2011
    Messages:
    14,385
    Likes Received:
    9,125
    A man washes up on a remote island after a shipwreck with no other survivors apart from a pig and a dog. They all get along well enough but after a few weeks the chap gets horny and decides he's going to screw the pig, just as he gets close the dog starts to snarl and bark in his face so he backs off. He leaves it a couple more weeks and decides he'll try again later but the dog jumps in to defend the pig each time the chap tries anything on.

    This happens for a couple of months until one day he sees smoke rising from the sea in the distance, shortly after he sees a body washing up along the beach. The man runs over and pulls the body out of the water and after a lot of coughing and spluttering the most beautiful woman he has ever seen hugs him and thanks him for saving her life "I nearly died but because of you I'm alive! Is there anything I can possibly do for you in return? And I mean anything"

    The bloke takes a moment and says "Any chance of you taking that dog for a walk?"
     
    #9958
    GroveRanger, Aug 10, 2020
    Uber_Hoop and kiwiqpr like this.
  19. Paulpowersleftfoot

    Paulpowersleftfoot Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    4,415
    Likes Received:
    2,711
    Saturday wants it’s joke back
     
    #9959
    Paulpowersleftfoot, Aug 10, 2020
    Uber_Hoop and kiwiqpr like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,283
    Likes Received:
    263,202
    please log in to view this image
     
    #9960
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 10, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, QPRski and Uber_Hoop like this.
Page 498 of 839

Share This Page