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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    When we bought our home, the estate agent thought it would be nice to send flowers for the occasion.
    They did arrive but the card said,
    “Rest in Peace”.
    I was angry and called the florist to complain.
    When I told them, the florist said.
    “Oh sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, “Congratulations on your new home”.
     
    #10441
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 15, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, QPRski, Uber_Hoop and 1 other person like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Took my stupid dog to the vets yesterday.

    Daft sod ate a load of Christmas tree lights he had found.

    When the vet made a fuss of him, his little face lit up.
     
    #10442
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 15, 2020
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  3. ELLERS

    ELLERS Well-Known Member

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    #10443
    ELLERS, Oct 16, 2020
    QPRski, UTRs, Uber_Hoop and 2 others like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10444
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 16, 2020
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My Grandma is 96 years old and still doesn't need glasses.

    She drinks straight from the bottle....
     
    #10445
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 16, 2020
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
    Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
    "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
    "OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
    "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
    "Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know s*it?"
     
    #10446
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2020
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 17, 2020
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10447
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 17, 2020
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My parents were in the Iron & Steel business.

    My mum did the ironing......
     
    #10448
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 17, 2020
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10449
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 17, 2020
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn
    He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
    It’s our family hair loom.
     
    #10450
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 18, 2020
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar.

    So I have to fill her slot instead.
     
    #10451
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 18, 2020
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • If I want to know if it’s hot enough to remove my clothing at the beach,
    • I’ll listen to the Stripping Forecast
     
    #10452
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 18, 2020
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    'I saw on social media my cousin’s a bugler in the Army.

    I liked his last post.'
     
    #10453
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 18, 2020
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • A thesaurus is great.
    • There’s no other word for it
     
    #10454
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 18, 2020
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10455
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 19, 2020
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10456
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 19, 2020
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10457
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 19, 2020
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10458
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 19, 2020
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10459
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 19, 2020
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10460
    Wooperts_duck, Oct 19, 2020
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