Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

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Seagull enjoying the first day out of lockdown in Southsea

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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Susan, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.
Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.
They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, & told her to mash up some green persimmons & rub them on her nipples and all over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up & you won't be able to talk properly for a while.
The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and said,
“Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday

 

A husband was reading a new book entitled, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'.
He finished the book and promptly stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel dry and bring me my robe.
Then, you will massage my feet and hands.
Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair? 'The wife replied, 'The f*cking funeral director would be my first guess.'...

 

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An elderly Irish woman of advanced age visited her doctor to ask his advice on reviving her husband's lagging libido.
'What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.
"Not a chance," she said... "He won't even take an aspirin."
"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an "Irish Viagra."
"What's this Irish Viagra?" she asked.
"You drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
A week later she called the doctor, who asked her about the results.
"Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah!" she exclaimed. "T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was immediate.
He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye! With one swoop of his arm, he sent cups and tablecloth flying, then ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean it wasn't good?"
"It was the best I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!....

 

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