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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Just parked my car at the hospital, when an attendant said, “You can't park there, that's for badge holders only.”

    I replied, “That's okay, I've got a bad shoulder”
     
    #13021
    Wooperts_duck, May 11, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #13022
    Wooperts_duck, May 11, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13023
    Wooperts_duck, May 11, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  4. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-5-12_17-25-59.png
     
    #13024
    Taffvalerowdy, May 12, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, Hammersmith bookie, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I recently spent £6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him . .but, they taste like peppermint
     
    #13025
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2022
    Makemstine Roger and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13026
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2022
    Makemstine Roger and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13027
    Wooperts_duck, May 12, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #13028
    Makemstine Roger, May 13, 2022
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  9. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    I took my suit to the cleaners, who wanted to charge me £45!
    Instead, I gave my suit to the charity shop next door.
    They cleaned and pressed it.
    Then they put it in the window.
    I bought it for £12.50!
    Follow me for more money saving tips <laugh><laugh><laugh>
     
    #13029
    Taffvalerowdy, May 13, 2022
    Didley Squat, Wooperts_duck, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  10. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-5-13_21-18-23.jpeg
     
    #13030
    Taffvalerowdy, May 13, 2022
    Wooperts_duck and Makemstine Roger like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A German guy called Helmut approaches a lady of the night in London .
    "I vish to buy sex viz you."
    "Okay," says the girl, "I charge £50 an hour."
    "Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky."
    "No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky for an extra £10."
    Helmut agrees.
    So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
    "I vant zat you tie zese springs to each of your hans und knees."
    The girl finds this odd, but complies, fastening the springs as requested.
    "Now you vill get down on your hans und knees."
    This she duly does, balancing precariously on the springs.
    "You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you."
    She thinks this even odder, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying).
    But the sex is fantastic: honking away on the duck caller, she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German. The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it's several minutes before she has enough breath to say, "That was totally amazing! What do you call that position?"
    "Zat," replies the German, "is ze Four-sprung Duck Technique
     
    #13031
    Wooperts_duck, May 14, 2022
    Makemstine Roger and peter1954qpr like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13032
    Wooperts_duck, May 14, 2022
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat and kiwiqpr like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13033
    Wooperts_duck, May 14, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13034
    Wooperts_duck, May 15, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13035
    Wooperts_duck, May 15, 2022
    Makemstine Roger and kiwiqpr like this.
  16. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    Just told the wife l ticked all the boxes and looks to have a big claim coming our way.

    The ole liquorice stick ( inch thick rubber ) and the cane were used hourly and with much vigor.
     
    #13036
    Last edited: May 18, 2022
    Didley Squat, May 15, 2022
    Wooperts_duck, Makemstine Roger and kiwiqpr like this.
  17. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    I asked my boss, "Can I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas"...?
    She said, "It's May"......
    "Sorry" I replied, "May I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas"
     
    #13037
    Makemstine Roger, May 15, 2022
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  18. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2022-5-15_21-48-25.jpeg
     
    #13038
    Taffvalerowdy, May 15, 2022
    Didley Squat, Wooperts_duck and kiwiqpr like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    It's been 10 years now, since I split up with my first love.
    I met her at the counter at Tesco's petrol station.
    We were to be married, but she broke off the engagement after 6 months. I was devastated.
    Every time I visit the place now, I can't help filling up.
     
    #13039
    Wooperts_duck, May 15, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    To the lady with her 6 foul mouthed screaming kids at the supermarket today who's wondering how the box of condoms got into her trolley...

    You're welcome!
     
    #13040
    Wooperts_duck, May 15, 2022
    Makemstine Roger and kiwiqpr like this.
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