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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

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  1. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woopsie and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her - Good looking as well. Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.
    He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?
    Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'what is the price of this lovely bracelet?' He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to s*it yourself when I tell you the price.
     
    #14241
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 20, 2023
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  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
    The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.”
    He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?”
    The woman replies, “I’m a whore.”
    The accountant balks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.”
    The woman, “Ok, I’m a prostitute.”
    “No, that is still too crude. Try again.”
    They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer.”
    The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?”
    “Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”
     
    #14242
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 20, 2023
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  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    The annual premature ejaculation society dinner will be held on Friday night. No dress code- just come in your pants.
     
    #14243
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 20, 2023
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  4. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Irish newlyweds turn up at their hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite. The receptionist asks "Do you have reservations?"

    Bride says "Well . . . . .I'm a bit worried about taking it up the arse !!!"
     
    #14244
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 20, 2023
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14245
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14246
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14247
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14248
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14249
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14250
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.
    The1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
    This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you have sex until you are blue in the face.
    The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
    This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
    The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
    This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. You still have sex – occasionally - and if you do, you only have it in your bedroom.
    The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.
    This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say, 'F*** you.'
    The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
    Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
    The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
    This is when you cannot stand your wife/ husband any more. He/she takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
    And; last, but not least,
    The 7th kind of sex is called: Pension Sex.
    You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.
     
    #14251
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14252
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14253
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14254
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #14255
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #14256
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 21, 2023
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  17. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #14257
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 21, 2023
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  18. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #14258
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 21, 2023
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  19. Number 1 Jasper

    Number 1 Jasper Well-Known Member

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    I upload_2023-1-21_12-51-9.jpeg
     
    #14259
    Number 1 Jasper, Jan 21, 2023
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My Chinese pal said he’s just opened a Crows shop.

    I said you mean a clothes shop, he said no come in and have a rook.
     
    #14260
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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