Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

I've been asked to lay new turf on a field for a civil war re-enactment battle.
Sod that for a game of soldiers.

 

My wife Rose is leaving me because of my obsession with pens.
Bye Rose.

 

My friend just walked out of his job at BMW.
He gave no indication that he was leaving.

 

Had a big fight with my wife.
I knew she would come crawling to me on her hands and knees.
She said;
"Come out from under the bed and fight like a man!"

 

I met my wife on the net. We were both bad trapeze artists

 

I am starting to get self conscious about my body odour. On my last two dates the women both sprayed me with perfume before we had sex. I am not sure of the brand........but it had a distinct peppery smell.

 

A couple next to me in Pizza Hut were having a furious argument. I don't normally takes sides but I had his coleslaw and her bbq wings.

 

There’s not much food left on the shelves so today I just bought what I could get my hands on, and I’ve tried crab paste for the very first time. It’s disgusting, I’m taking it back to the chemist first thing tomorrow to get a refund.

 

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A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from
the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-
famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart
surgeon was waiting for the service manager to
come take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey
Doc can I ask you a question?" The famous
surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the
mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands
on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine.
I also can open it up, take valves out, fix'em, put
in new parts and when I finish this will work just
like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and
you get the really big money, when you and I are
doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over,
and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it
while it's running.

 

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